


Remember the Time

by hestherewithme



Category: Glee, Glee RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-13 20:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 34,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11192394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hestherewithme/pseuds/hestherewithme
Summary: I’ve been giving this fanfic a lot of thought. Debating whether I should write it or not. And then when I did, it took me a long time to come to the decision to actually publish it. But here goes nothing.Set in an alternate universe where Chris and Darren meet under very different circumstances. Rated T for angst & language. Warning for minor references regarding thoughts about suicide/death (in this chapter).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been giving this fanfic a lot of thought. Debating whether I should write it or not. And then when I did, it took me a long time to come to the decision to actually publish it. But here goes nothing. 
> 
> Set in an alternate universe where Chris and Darren meet under very different circumstances. Rated T for angst & language. Warning for minor references regarding thoughts about suicide/death (in this chapter).

Chris looked up, facing the mirror in the airport bathroom. He tried washing his face with cold water once more, hoping it would lessen the reddening around his eyes.

_‘Stop crying, just stop it.’_

Chris can’t look at himself, not even for a moment. Why would he anyway? He never could stand morons, and now he considered himself the most foolish person he’d ever met.

_‘How could I have been so stupid?’_

He slowly breathed out, grabbed his bag and headed out.

The heat hit him as he exited the airport for the second time that day. He didn’t know why he’d bothered to take this trip. He’d bought the two tickets a few months back, but he’d ripped up the other one after his boyfriend, well, ex-boyfriend…Chris didn’t know what to call him. After Aiden had left him. He felt the tears threatening to come back, and only by sheer will did he suppress them.

He couldn’t comprehend how it only took minutes for his life to fall apart like that. A few moments in time, to shatter what Chris believed he had spent months building.

He’d met his now ex almost two years ago in New York.

He was relatively new in the city, with dreams that had quickly been subdued when the harsh reality of living away from home had hit him hard.

But he had money, quite a bit of it actually. He never knew just how well-off his grandparents were, or just how much they loved him. And as soon as he’d turned eighteen he’d fled with his inheritance to the New York, hoping to find a way to make his way.

He got a small apartment, kept most of his savings into an account, and immediately started looking for work. Nothing could stop him from writing, or acting, or doing what he loved, not even the comfort of being well-off.

But when Aiden came into the picture, all Chris found himself doing was spending. He was his first serious boyfriend, and Chris didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize the relationship. Money would come and go, but love was something he couldn’t risk.

Turned out he was the only one between them who felt that way.

 _‘He didn’t even say goodbye. He just left like I was nothing to him. And that was probably true. I was nothing. I_ am _nothing.’_

Greed was a powerful thing, and Chris cursed himself for never realizing anything.

It was his own fault. Thinking that a dumb trip to a foreign country as a desperate attempt to save something that was never real to begin with.

_‘I was so fucking stupid.’_

But Chris didn’t care. He’d withdrawn some money from his bank account, and left the majority of it intact, with the instruction that within a year’s time it should be sent back home to his sister. He packed a single bag. And left without telling anyone where he was headed.

He had no regrets about leaving so suddenly. Who or what would he stay for anyway? An empty home, tarnished memories of a guy who didn’t care for him. A career that he had no hopes for anymore, that he didn’t even  _want_  to bother with.

No. He didn’t want to go back. He didn’t want to do anything. Chris felt that if he thought anything else he was going to be sick, and he didn’t feel like thinking anymore.

* * *

Darren loved Italy. He loved the country, its sights, the people its language (which he was slowly but surely learning).

That’s why he wanted to spend just a few more days taking it all in. Well, he’d arranged for a little more than simply sightseeing since Italy was quite romantic and he didn’t want his few extra days alone.

He’d planned a couple’s vacation, one that involved countless activities designed to explore and encompass quite a bit of the marvelous land around him.

_But plans change. It’s okay…_

Darren was out for his third walk of the day, taking pictures with his phone camera, hoping that would capture a fraction of the country’s beauty.

Until he thought he saw a man sitting on the edge of a bridge. 

Darren hesitated before calling out, hoping not to scare the man into accidentally tipping forward. He waited until he got closer, close enough for the man to notice him. He seemed unfazed by Darren’s presence, and Darren worried if he was too drunk or high to realize he was there.

“Hey.” Darren waved.

That seemed to get a response, and Darren went closer to him and carefully gave him a hand. The man said nothing in response.

“Do you speak English?  _Parla in-gle-se_?” Darren sounded out the last couple of words, hoping his accent wouldn’t throw off what he meant to say.

The man didn’t respond, only looked back down to the edge where he’d been sitting. Darren had an idea of what that man had been thinking of, but he didn’t want to bring it up. He thought it better to focus try and distract the guy.

“So. Are you Italian?” Darren tried again, leading the man’s gaze away from where he’d been standing.

No reply, again.

“Oh look, there’s your bag, I guess you must have dropped it while…” he stopped himself. “I totally get it, it’s a gorgeous view, right? I mean, I’d try to see it myself, but I’m terrified of heights.”

The man gave him a confused glare, squinting his eyes in an almost disdainful look.

_‘Better than nothing. At least he can understand me.’_

“So you do speak English.” Darren smiled. “Well, nice to meet you, I’m Darren.”

* * *

The bridge wasn’t his first choice, but it did seem like the least costly. In terms of time and convenience. What was the point anyway? If he was honest with himself, he’d been feeling awful even before he’d met Aiden, and for a while, he thought that guy was all he had.

Chris felt his heart sink at the thought.

And then he saw the nearby bridge. 

It was built upon an almost picturesque river and surrounded by architecture that he would have appreciated otherwise. He didn’t know how long he’d been walking now, not even knowing why he’d bothered to bring his bag along. 

Chris truly believed this had been coming for a long time. Everything seemed to be leading to this anyway, and Aiden leaving was the last straw. He didn’t feel like walking much longer, so that bridge would have to do. It was better here, in a foreign country. There would have been too much of a hassle back home. People would have been bothered, like his family. No. He didn’t want that. 

Chris waited around until the number of people around him seemed to disappear as if it were a reminder of how alone he truly was in this world.

Until he wasn’t.

Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw someone approaching him. At first, he believed it was his mind playing tricks on him, his brain going into overdrive, creating hallucinations to convince him otherwise of his decision.

The man must have said hello, or something else in Italian, but Chris couldn’t process anything he was saying. Up until he said ‘it’s a gorgeous view right?’, which completely puzzled him. Was this man ignorant or plain stupid? He thought his intent was obvious, but perhaps this guy didn’t notice.

And then he introduced himself. Darren. Darren who was handing Chris his bag, and when Chris stupidly grabbed it, Darren pulled him away from the edge. Darren who acted like he no idea what he’d just done to Chris. Darren who would not shut up.

“So I came to Italy with a few friends, and we’d been planning this trip forever. I’ve been saving up for so long. And then, I wanted to stay a few extra days right, because who wouldn’t want to? And I had this amazing couple’s trip planned for me and my girlfriend, but her program changed at the last moment. She had to fly out, but I guess it’s okay because there was no way I was gonna let that money go to waste. So here I am, taking a walk before I head back to the hotel, which is so fucking overbooked, I need to register again and again every time I get in there and I see you.”

Chris didn’t want to hear another word. So he did the only thing that made sense, he began walking away from Darren.

“Wait. Wait, dude, you dropped your bag…”

Chris turned around, almost to quickly and began yelling.

“Do I look like I give a fuck? About my bag, about your stupid trip with your friends, and your sob story about how your girlfriend left you to enjoy a great couples retreat or whatever in Italy.”

“I—I didn’t…”

“No. You don’t get to talk anymore.” Chris emphasized his point with raising his hands, only to knock out whatever Darren was holding. And whatever it was, it was headed down the bridge into the river underneath.

“Well. There goes my phone. And my wallet…” Darren said casually.

“Oh my God,” Chris said, realizing the full weight of his words and actions. “Oh God. I…Sorry.”

He was so worried Darren was going to get angry, as he had a right to be, but what terrified him more was that Darren was doing the exact opposite.

“You know what. It’s okay. I get it. Everyone has those freak-out days. This was one of yours. I just happened to get in the middle of it.”

“No, wait. I’m really sorry.”

“You don’t have to be. I mean, it was only my phone, my bank cards, and my ID.”

* * *

Darren surprised himself with how calm he currently was. And that was only because it took him a couple of minutes to realize just what his impolite acquaintance had actually done.

“Oh fuck…” Darren said. “Oh no, no, no.”

The man looked at Darren, probably wondering why Darren had such a delayed response. “My ID. And that’s the money I had for the trip. I…they aren’t gonna let me back in my hotel room. Fuck, my passport and my tickets are in there.”

The man didn’t react and momentarily looked as if he was going to run away.

“I…I can give you some money if you want, to pay for the phone.” the stranger suggested, rifling through his bag for what Darren imagined was a hoard of money.

_‘Maybe this guy stole some money from a gang or something, and this bridge was his only way out…Nah, he looks too innocent for that…’_

“Money isn’t gonna get me a new ID. The passport should do the trick, but there’s no way I’m getting back in my hotel room without proving to them who I am.” Darren groaned, trying to think of a solution.

“Find the right person and their price, and anything’s possible.” the man said, with a grimace and disconcerting gleam in his eye, holding a wad of cash in his hand.

_‘Shit, maybe he did do something crazy.’_

* * *

Chris had no idea why he thought revealing the only money he had on him to a complete stranger.

A stranger who’d saved his life, and didn’t seem to know it.

And that money would have been floating through the river anyway, might as well put it to good use. To bribe someone…to get a key of a hotel room…that belonged to Darren…who’s valuables he’d knocked into the river…that he’d been about to jump into.

Nothing had prepared him for this vacation.

“I’m not taking your money,” Darren said adamantly, with a hint of fear in his voice.

“Okay. So what are you gonna do?”

“How about you come with me, and do that whole ‘ _persuading_ ’ thing yourself. Maybe teach me a few tricks?”

“Really?” Chris said, questioning why he was allowing himself to get caught up in this mess.

“Yes. I just need to get my passport and flight ticket. Then I’ll be back on board with that whole organized trip I was talking about, which ends with a bus to the airport.”

“Okay.” Chris didn’t really care about where this man was headed but was secretly glad that he’d asked to accompany him, even though he was asking him a favor.

Chris almost didn’t mind.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Chris felt as though he’d been walking forever. The excuse for his ignorance of the time passing could finally be blamed on another person.

“So for the  _first_  half of this lover’s retreat, we saw the typical sightseeing hotspots. But the next day, there were these amazing fountains and springs we visited. It would have been so amazing to have Sam there, but I guess it’s okay. The worst part is sometimes the group deviates, and I’m like trying to find people I know and get to talk to them but obviously, everyone’s part of a couple…Tomorrow I’m going to get into this…” Darren continued, and Chris let him proceed as if he were listening.

Chris sighed, hoping he wouldn’t give into a rage-filled explosion again, but he had almost had enough of hearing about Darren’s perfect life, and his perfect friends and his more-than-perfect girlfriend. Perhaps Darren thought it was helping but all Chris could do was compare to how his life lacked everything Darren’s had.

But he wasn’t going to let this last too long. As soon as Darren would head up to his hotel room, Chris would make his escape. Chris wasn’t sure what he was going to do after that, his thoughts kept drifting back to that bridge. But he had to focus on Darren, well, getting rid of Darren, for now.

“I still don’t know your name,” Darren said, after a pause, the first in what seemed like an hour.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it does. I told you mine, and we’ve been talking to each other for a couple of hours now. I think it only makes sense.”

Chris didn’t reply, noticing that technique worked before.

“You can’t pretend to not hear me anymore, I already know you can hear and understand me.”

Chris still ignored him.

“Fine. I’ll just keep making up names for you until I get it right.” Darren declared.

“John? Mike?”

Chris shook his head and kept on walking toward where Darren had told him to go.

“Ryan? Jackson? Joe?” Darren tried.

“How about Jim? Boyd? Oh, wait!… _Rumpelstiltskin_?”

Chris just managed to suppress his smile, “Very close…It’s Chris.”

Darren seemed to smile for the both of them.

“Chris,” he said slowly. Taking in his name and repeating it almost reverently, “Yeah. You look like a Chris. That sounds like my last name, by the way, assuming it’s not spelled the same. It’s C-R-I-S-S. But yeah. Chris and Criss.”

“Weird coincidence.”

“Coincidences mean you’re on the right path,” Darren replied. “Sorry. I’m pretty sure I heard that in some philosophy class a while back. It just came to mind.”

“No. Don’t apologize. That was…it was nice.”

Darren may have continued, but rather recognized his hotel. “There it is.”

Chris followed him, asked him to repeat his room number, and then immediately looked for some younger bell-boy, whom he knew would accept a tip to swipe a key for Darren.

It barely cost him anything, and a few minutes later, he held a key in his hand, which he gave to Darren.

“Hey. Thanks. I’ll see you in a bit, I just have to go check up on my things. If you want, you could crash with me?”

“No thanks. I’m okay, really. Go look for your stuff.”

Darren bounded towards the closest elevators but seemed relatively at ease.

_Well. At least that’s over._

* * *

Darren rushed to his room as soon as he could, hoping his things would still be there.

They were. Luckily. He found his some money, passport and his round-trip ticket in the small bag he’d stuffed into the room’s safe, and checked his travel bag for most of his packed clothes. 

_‘Thank God. I’ll call home in a while, but first…a fucking shower.’_

He grabbed some wrinkled but probably clean clothes and hopped into the bathroom.

His shower seemed to be going quite normally, as showers do, up until he heard loud banging on his hotel door.

“Scusi! Signore! C’è qualcuno? Apra la porta per favore! Open the door!”

_‘Fuck. What now?’_

Darren wrapped a towel onto his lower half and looked through the peephole.

Three men stood outside his door. One that seemed to be the manager, another a burly security guard, and the third…well, he was really just a boy. A bell-boy. The one who must have pulled off the elaborate  _heist_  of his room key.

_‘Oh fuck.’_

The knocking only seemed to be getting louder, and Darren’s first thought was to grab what he could from his safe before they came in.

He decided to forgo the towel and rushed across the room stark naked as he quickly put his belongings into the one travel bag he had, panicking momentarily when he couldn’t find his cellphone; only to recall: ‘ _Oh right. it’s in a fucking river’_

“Stiamo entrando! We are coming in!”

“WAIT!” Darren said, and his exclamation gave him a moment to leap for, grab and wrap the towel around his waist when the men entered the room. They didn’t seem in the mood for an explanation, but their expressions made it clear what they wanted.

Darren promised them he’d leave as soon as he’d put on some pants.

* * *

Chris headed out a few minutes after Darren was out of his sight. Although he barely knew the guy, he didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Assuming his sudden departure would become a cause for that.

He had barely walked a few hundred yards when he heard someone behind him calling his name. For a moment, he felt his heart freeze because who else but Aiden would know his name in this godforsaken country know his name.

But then he remembered, there was now one more guy.

“Wait up!” Darren called out after him, grasping a bag, and wearing a shirt that was inside out.

“ _What are you doing_?!” Chris asked, looking at his delirious state.

“Your  _genius_  idea got me kicked out of that hotel.”

“So your first plan of action was to come looking for me again?” Chris asked, bewildered.

Darren seemed to be thinking of an answer, furrowing his outrageous eyebrows in thought.

“Yes.” he finally said. “Because I couldn’t think of anything else to do.”

Chris simply crossed his arms and waited for a further explanation.

“I don’t know…” Darren proclaimed. “You got me into this mess, and you’re gonna get me out of it. From the looks of it, you’re loaded, and you don’t seem to have any problem spending it either. And fuck it, I’ll reimburse you for it as soon as I can. But for now, I’m gonna ask you to help me out. I need to get to Milan’s airport by Wednesday afternoon. That’s in two days,  and you’re gonna get me there.”

_‘Who the fuck does he think he is? Say no. Just say no.’_

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Darren reiterated. He seemed surprised.

Chris surprised himself.

“Fine. Let’s go.”

“Where?”

“You tell me,  _Casanova_.”

Darren grinned, balanced his bag, and began walking as though he knew exactly where to go.

So Chris did the only thing that made sense to him at the moment, he followed Darren.


	3. Chapter 3

“Nobody’s going to give us a room. Not at this hour, and definitely not in this season. It’s like everyone decided to come to Italy this year.” Darren commented.

Chris couldn’t seem to get any data on his phone, not even to search up some decent hotels. So he kept looking around for signs that said: “ _camere libere_ ” or something similar.

“You know Italian?” after Chris read out a few street names.

“Not a lot. I studied it a little, but…” Chris said, before trailing off. He recalled the enthusiasm with which he’d planned this trip, early mornings and late nights spent secretly learning Italian as part of a surprise, only to have his plans turn to shit.

“Hey look, that place still looks open.” Darren pointed out.

It seemed like a shady motel; a dimly lit neon sign read:  ** _Hotel dell'Amore_**

_‘I really hope it’s not what I think it is.’_

Darren didn’t seem to care and sprinted towards the entrance. Chris followed warily behind him.

“ _Buonasera, amici miei_ ” was the loud exclamation he was greeted as soon as he opened the door to the dingy motel.

Chris must have had a panicked expression on his face, and the man started speaking in broken English.

“Hello! Wel-come!”

“Good evening. We’d like two rooms.” Chris held up two fingers, to indicate what he wanted.

“No, no. Only one. Very full tonight.” the man explained, pointing at his desk where there was nothing to further his explanation.

“You know. We don’t really need two rooms. I’ll sleep on the floor if you want.” Darren started, and Chris just gave him a look.

“Only one room? Really?” Chris said directed at the motel attendant, a little quieter so that Darren wouldn’t interrupt him again.

The man seemed to take a hint and spoke in a hushed tone, quiet enough so only Chris could hear him.

“Yes. Two people one room. No problem, boy-boy. I don’t care.”

Chris’ suspicion was confirmed. It was exactly what he thought this place was, a rental place for…  _those_  who needed a room for a few hours. The only issue was that Darren didn’t seem to figure it out.

“Uhm. Uh. Okay.” Chris tried to stumble out a few words but was incredibly embarrassed. “One room. How much money?” he said, rubbing his thumb and forefinger to indicate he was asking about the rate.

“10 Euro for hour.” he said, loud enough for Darren to hear.

“Hey. That’s not bad at all. It’s already like really late, and we only need a few hours to crash right?”

“Darren. You need to shut up right now. We’ll take it for a day.”

“Chris. That’s just stupid. We don’t need to spend that much.” Darren said. He looked at the motel clerk for the next part. “We won’t even be that long. Three hours would be more than enough.” Chris gave him pointed look, and Darren conceded. “Okay, four. Let’s make it four. Happy?  _Quatr ore_.” Darren said, adamantly.

“Darren…” Chris sighed, but then realized he was too tired to argue.

The man simply flashed them a toothy grin, and Chris paid the due amount, shaking his head while doing so.

* * *

Darren didn’t know what the big deal was. He’d expected better when he saw the exterior of the hotel. Okay…motel. The room was frankly, Darren couldn’t put his finger on it, sleazy would be the best word to describe it. But he didn’t want to say anything that would make him seem ungrateful. He had no idea how or why he’d convinced Chris to do this, but somehow here he was.

Here they both were.

Chris entered the room behind him, almost as if he were hiding a secret.

“What’s up?” Darren asked casually.

“What’s up?” Chris repeated, treating Darren’s question as if it were something incredulous to ask. “You are…you are  _something_ , aren’t you?”

“Thanks,” Darren said, smiling. “I think.”

Chris began looking around the room and probably determining the night’s sleeping arrangements.

“So do you just order around every new person you meet and drag them into a creepy motel room?” Chris said, unpacking a phone charger and looking for an outlet near the dresser closest to the bed.

Darren understood he’d be on the floor.

“What? No. And…I’m in a happy relationship.”

“So I’ve heard,” Chris said, interrupting him before he got started again.

“Hey! I’ll have you know I am not some floozy,”

Chris seemed to take that to heart, because he turned around quickly, and said sternly. “And I’ll have you know, I’m a committed guy too!”

“With the guy on your phone?”

“You went through my phone!?”

“No. It’s right there.” Darren said, pointing to the phone charging, and displaying the screensaver.

“Oh.”

‘Cute guy. You’re lucky.” Darren said, excitedly, hoping that would make Chris feel better and help break the very thick layer of ice between them.

“I was lucky. Or I wasn’t. Depending on how you look at it.” Chris said sadly.

Darren took a moment to absorb those what Chris had said. “Oh, fuck…you broke up with him?”

“Well…”

“He dumped you?” Darren asked, and Chris just looked down at his hands, refusing to answer him.

“Let me take another look,” Darren said, and Chris reluctantly handed him the phone. “I see it now. To be honest, I was just saying “he was cute” to be nice. How’d he land someone like you?”

Chris huffed out an unbelieving laugh.

“No, seriously. Next to you, this guy looks like a pile of shit.”

That made Chris crack a smile.

“And look at that. You’re even cuter when you smile. If we’d met at another time and I was single, I totally would have tried to get you into bed.”

“A moment ago you mentioned what a floozy you were not.”

“Oh. Ha ha ha.” Darren sardonically laughed. “Is that the reason for your ‘ _mood’_ ” He put the last words in finger quotes.

Chris simply shrugged.

“Dude. You’re gonna get over this guy. Tonight. Like, right now.”

Chris was momentarily frightened, worried about what Darren was about to suggest.

“You got any printed pictures of this guy?” Darren asked.

“No? What era are we in?”

“Just an idea. My roommate once burned his ex’s photos. Very therapeutic.”

“No,” Chris said, shaking his head.

“Okay, well I’m going to suggest deleting those horrid pictures of him.”

Chris had already done most of that. He’d forgotten about the screensaver and immediately got to doing so. He didn’t need any reminder of Aiden.

“Feel better?” Darren asked.

“Not really,” Chris answered honestly.

“Okay. Then…you wanna curse him?”

“Like a spell?” Chris asked, wondering if this man was actually nuts.

“No. Like, swear words.”

“That’s  _dumb_ ,”

“I know from experience that isn’t the extent of your profane vocabulary,”

“So you think I should swear at him?” Chris confirmed, trying to figure if Darren was serious.

Darren displayed to sign that he wasn’t. And somehow, regardless of how juvenile that act seemed, Chris did so.

“Moron. Douchebag.” Chris stopped there, only to see Darren nodding excitedly with a huge grin on his face.

“Asshole. Dipshit.”

“Yes!” Darren urged him on, reflecting a smile Chris surprisingly wore.

“Fucking scumbag!” Chris said a little louder.

“One more!”

“Needle-dicked double-crossing dipshit!”

That one caused Darren to burst out laughing, and Chris felt a little prouder than he usually did after making a joke.

“You’re a special kind of weirdo aren’t you?” Chris asked sarcastically, but with a smile so Darren wouldn’t take his words to heart.

“Yup.” Darren replied, “My sole mission on Earth is to annoy you.”

Chris shook his head, wondering how Darren had put up with him regardless of the terrible things Chris said to him until now.

“The real question is, do you feel better?” Darren inquired.

“It’s crazy, but I do.”

“Good,” Darren said, throwing a pillow onto the floor. “We should try and get some sleep now.”

“That receptionist is gonna have so many questions,” Chris mumbled.

“Huh?”

“Nothing. Good night, Darren.”

“Night, Chris.”

* * *

Darren heard a faint ringing sound and chose to ignore it. It was probably Joey calling him. He reached out towards the expected table only to hit something wooden. He opened his eyes suddenly and remembered where he was. Sleeping on the floor of a creepy motel room, with a complete stranger.

And they would most likely be in Lake Garda by this time tomorrow.

He liked the trip he’d planned out. A few of the things were paid in advance, and all he had to do was get there on time. He opted not to do all of the things since he preferred taking his own time and didn’t want anyone deciding where he should be and when.

But he’d been looking forward to the lake the most. He tried not to think about the fact that Sam had just  _left_. Of course, she’d apologized, and Darren didn’t feel right telling her just how much he’d spent on this. It wasn’t gentlemanly.

So he thought the least he could do was take the trip for the two of them.

Chris seemed to be up already, as the bed was empty and Darren heard the shower turn off. Not realizing it was on.

“Hey,” Darren said.

“Hi. You should get ready quickly, we’ve got to get moving.”

“Alright. Is there any hot water left?”

“None to begin with…” Chris shrugged. “Thanks, by the way, for last night. It—I feel much better.”

“Oh, that was nothing,” Darren said, getting up. “Stick with me, and I’ll show you a whole new world.”

“Disney references? Really?” Chris said with a tone that not at all judgmental.

“I’m just getting started,” Darren winked, closing the door to the bathroom.

Darren almost missed it, but that was the longest he’d seen Chris hold a smile.

He liked it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge shout-out to Susi (heukii on tumblr) for all the Italian translations featured within this story. I’d be stuck with Google Translate if it weren’t for her. Thank you so much.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the crazy antics in this chapter is based off a personal experience.

 

Chris thought of himself a free man the next morning, in every sense of the word. He felt lighter. And when the receptionist gave him a knowing wink as they checked out, Chris didn’t find himself caring about that either.

He liked feeling this way and began to realize just how long he hadn’t felt as such. He couldn’t remember a time where he didn’t feel like there was an indescribable burden on his shoulders. A constant, unshakable fear or worry that something wrong was about to happen.

And as much as he tried to fool himself with Aiden, it was still present. But Chris didn’t want to think about that now. He had to focus on the task at hand. Running to catch a bus he didn’t even need to board.

“Wait! Wait. We’re coming!” Darren yelled, motioning at the bus driver to stay where he was.

The bus driver must have seen them in the side mirrors because he stopped the bus and let them board.

“ _Grazie_ ,” Darren said, breathless. He looked back at Chris, who nodded that he was okay, just a little winded.

They paid for their tickets and sat in the closest available pair of seats.

“You…you said the bus was leaving at noon.”

“No. I said the bus would be reaching at noon.” Darren reminded him. “Plus. It’s kind of fun to run after something, right? The adrenaline rush is pretty cool.”

Chris simply shook his head and laid it on the bus’ window.

_‘It was a little exhilarating, but he doesn’t need to know that.’_

Chris’ realized that a couple of minutes had passed and he hadn’t heard Darren say a word. He then looked to his side and realized Darren had fallen asleep. Just like that.

His neck was at an awkward angle, and would probably cause him a bit of pain when he’d wake up. Chris wasn’t cruel.

Chris carefully reached over, softly lifting Darren’s head and placing it on his own shoulder. He had half an urge to look around to make sure nobody was staring at them but stopped himself.

_‘This is nothing. He’s just resting. He won’t even know and he’ll probably drool all over you.’_

* * *

A jolt of the bus woke Darren up, and he glanced around quickly to become aware of his surroundings.

“Adrenaline rush, my ass,” Chris said, looking at him with an amused expression.

“I’ll have you know, I’m always tired after a workout,” Darren said, rubbing his eyes. “Any idea where we are?”

“There are two stops left till the final stop, which is where we’re supposed to, um, get off?”

“Yup.”

After a few moments of silence, ones that seemed so awkward with Darren right next to him, Chris spoke.

“So. You’ve been talking about how amazing this girlfriend of yours is, but how come she isn’t here?”

Darren was surprised with Chris’ sudden interest and tried his best not to take his comment to heart.

“Uhm. She…she had to get back home. I mean, it was kind of my fault. I shouldn’t have just sprung this at her with this out of nowhere. She didn’t plan for this.”

“Kind of what  _surprise_  means.”

“Yeah. Well, next time I’ll be better prepared. Now I just got to enjoy where I am and when I am.”

“When I am?” Chris repeated, making sure he heard Darren correctly.

“Yeah. Like I’ve got to enjoy the time I’m in. I’m not gonna be able to relive it, and it’s not gonna come back. I’ve got to be grateful for whatever situation I’m put in, because I know I’m going to be a better person because of it. Even if it means having my stuff thrown into a river.”

“Sorry about that,” Chris said.

“Like I said. I’m gonna be a better person because of it. Who knows all the wonderful things I may learn from you? Or the other way around. All things happen for a reason Chris, we just got to appreciate them when they are here.”

Chris took a deep breath before asking, “So you’re a Philosophy major?”

Darren laughed and responded “Theatre major, but I did take a couple of Philosophy courses back in my first year.”

“Where’d you go again?” Chris asked, almost certain Darren had told him before.

“Michigan. What about you?”

“I didn’t. I mean. I just moved to L.A and tried my luck there.”

“Now that’s the life, huh? I tried so hard to convince my parents to let me do that. But they were insistent on a college education.” Darren said.

“ _Let_  you?”

“Yes.  _Let_  me.” Darren said, sticking his tongue out, “You don’t get to say a word until you’ve met my mom.”

“O-Okay then,” Chris said, letting out a small laugh.

* * *

Darren tried his best not to think about what Chris had said. He never was one to judge and knew that Chris was probably saying it because of his own recent break-up. But his new friend? acquaintance? questionable travel partner?…was not wrong.

That was what bothered Darren the most.

‘ _But that’s what love is, isn’t it? Compromise, forgiveness, acceptance._ ’ he thought to himself.

She was the love of his life, even though everyone else thought otherwise. Darren constantly reminded himself that what everyone else said didn’t matter, if only the two of them felt the way they did.  _‘And we do, don’t we?’_

Yet here he was, enjoying the most incredible sight he had ever witnessed. A gorgeous array of hills, surrounded by a lake that was a gift from paradise, with bike trails to witness it all within the span of a few hours.

“Wow.” Chris had said, as soon as he’d stepped off of the bus. “This is…how does a place as beautiful as this still exist?”

“I have no idea,” Darren answered. “I saw this online, but those pictures didn’t do this place any justice.”

“I could just stay here forever,” Chris whispered.

Darren glanced at him, hoping Chris didn’t truly mean that.

At the back of his mind, he had a feeling, one that he hadn’t admitted to himself, it told him that he wasn’t quite ready to let Chris leave.

“Well, we’ve got a day here. Let’s make the most of it.”

* * *

“What happens when I run out of cash?” Chris asked. He’d just decided to save money and time by not arguing with the concierge for an extra room. “Are you still gonna haul my ass around?”

“Well, lucky for you I have some money saving tips I learned from here and there.”

“Broke college student?” Chris asked him, trying not to show too much interest.

“Nothing of the sort, but it’s still fun,” Darren replied. “For example. How hungry are you right now?”

“Why?”

“Because, by the good graces of the universe, I noticed there was a wedding celebration in the main hall of this hotel.”

“And?”

“And…Lucky for you, my mother raised me to always pack ties.”

* * *

“Darren. This isn’t gonna work.” Chris hissed under his breath, as Darren lead the two of them to the origin of loud music and laughter.

“It’s a wedding. In Italy. They’ll all be too involved in either drinking their wine and dancing. We need to pretend to know everyone there, get a hearty plate of food, smuggle some tiramisu out of there and we’re gold.”

“You’re insane, you know that.”

“Ah, we’ll be fine,” Darren promised. “Now, come on.”

To Chris’ surprise, nobody stopped them from entering the celebration. Darren kissed two heavyset, mustached men on their cheeks while hugging them and they reciprocated the act. They all just assumed he and Darren were family members of the other side.

Chris filled up his plate from the buffet, with everything that looked good. His appetite hadn’t been too good recently, but he was enjoying himself. He guessed he could now scratch off ‘wedding crasher’ from his bucket list.

When they left the party, Chris could barely breathe from laughing too much.

“I can’t…I can’t believe you got away with that…”

“Me neither.” Darren giggled.

“Wait,” Chris said, suddenly serious. “You’re telling me you’ve never done that before?”

“Well, not exactly.”

“You are…”

“Insane,” Darren said. “I know. You’ve mentioned that before…”

“Something special.” Chris corrected.


	5. Chapter 5

“Do you wanna take a walk?” Darren asked, “I mean, it’s still early and we could probably find something interesting to do…”

When Chris didn’t reply, Darren quickly continued, “Or we could just head back, I mean…”

“No. We…Yeah. Let’s go.” Chris confirmed.

They exited the hotel lobby and took an immediate left turn. Walking in the middle of a foreign city, dressed semi-formally, with a person Chris had barely known for a few days was something Chris could easily say he’d never done. But after a few minutes, Darren had yet another thing to add to Chris’ list of new experiences.

“There’s a palm reader in this building!” Darren said excitedly, pointing to a small house at the end of a dark alley. The sign Darren pointed at could be interpreted no other way; a large palm with arrows towards the palm lines and bright lights and colors indicating…well… _something_.

“Okay?”

“She’s still open. Look! The lights are on!”

“I’m still unsure what you’re getting all excited about,”

“Come on…It’ll be fun. And I’ll pay for it. Promise.”

“You’re telling me that you had some money lying around for dinner tonight?” Chris glared.

“I knew we’d find something more interesting to spend it on,” Darren shrugged and then grabbed Chris by the hand. “Live a little,”

“Fine.”

They couldn’t find a bell, so Darren cautiously knocked on the door. After a few moments, a young boy opened the door for them. He quietly ushered them inside and offered them some water to drink.

“ _Grazie_ ,” Darren smiled, taking a glass, while Chris politely refused.

The boy left the room, and Chris couldn’t help but shake off the eerie feeling of this place.

Terrifying paintings of spirits and bloody medical torture instruments surrounding them and Chris had to regulate his breathing.

“How about you go first,” he suggested, seeing as Darren was the one who had insisted they come in here. Possibly to their deaths.

“Okay,”

When the boy back in the room, he pointed towards them and made a gesture that meant to follow him. Darren got up, but the boy shook his head ‘no’, and pointed at Chris.

Chris gulped, and Darren said, “I guess you’re going first,”

* * *

Chris was cursing Darren mentally when he was led to a small room in the back of the cramped house. A lady, who looked nothing like what Chris expected a psychic to look like motioned to the seat opposite her on the table. She was relatively young, probably in her late thirties, and wore her hair in a neat braid. There was no crystal ball in sight, no frightening paintings or imagery. Just a few cards laid out on the table and a notepad.

“Welcome,” she said in a thick Italian accent. “Take a seat,”

“Th-Thank you.” Chris squeaked. “We’re going to do this in English?”

“Yes. Of course. My son told me you were speaking English and I took many language courses in my university time,”

Chris didn’t even have time to process all that information when he was suddenly asked: “This is your first time,?”

Chris nodded.

“You don’t worry at all, just give me your hand.”

Chris held out his right hand, facing up, and she pulled it closer to her gaze.

“Oh…very nice.” she murmured, tracing each line of his palm with a soft touch. “Ah. Hmmm.”

Chris was afraid to ask what she was thinking, but before he’d even finished his own thought, the lady looked at him with a warm look in her eyes.

“Very smart.”

Chris gave her a soft smile, “Thank you,”

“Strong line here,” she mentioned, tracing over one of the lines. She quickly jumped over to another line, “But the heart line, you see how it breaks?”

Chris noticed the line indeed had a few spaces between it. “Yeah,”

“But don’t worry, now. You see how it is here.” Chris saw what she was saying, after the last space, the line was firmly solid again. “No more breaks.”

“It’s good. Your mind: has always been a strong line. The life is also good and long. The heart: I know it has not always been kind to you. But still…You have to trust it again. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Chris said in a hushed tone.

“You want to ask anything else?”

“Uh, no.”

“Okay, you can send in the other one.”

“Thank you,”

“You’re welcome, Chris.”

As he exited the room, Darren walked past him, making sure if everything was okay, but Chris could not remember if he’d ever told the lady his name.

* * *

When Darren entered the room, the psychic gave mirrored his smile and asked him to sit down.

“This was your idea?” she said to him as soon as he’d taken a seat.

“Yeah, how did you…ohhh,” Darren said.

“You’re not nervous?”

“Should I be?” Darren said, taking a more serious tone.

“We can see, dear.” she said, repeating her actions and asking for Darren’s hand to examine.

She looked at it silently and traced the lines on his palm back and forth.

“What do-“ Darren began but was cut off.

“Shhh.”

“You trust people. Too much…”

Darren wasn’t sure if that was a question, but he answered her anyway. “Um. If I have known them for a long time,”

“You have not known that young man for a long time,” she stated.

“Chris?” Darren said, wondering if Chris had told her this information. “No, but. We…we’re helping each other out.”

She stared at him before saying, “You have a very strong line of mind. Very, very intelligent,”

“Thank you,” Darren said, proudly.

“And your heart. Very strong as well. But….”

“But what?”

“I cannot say too much about the future, but you need to be safe with it.”

“My future?”

“Your heart,” she stated plainly.

“Uh…” Darren mumbled, scared at what she could possibly mean.

“But it will find peace in the end. Both of you will.”

* * *

“Uhh. So that was a little weird,” Darren said. They’d left the psychic almost half an hour earlier, but neither of them had much to say. It was Darren who broke the silence, naturally.

“Uh-huh,” Chris nodded absent-mindedly.

“I hope she didn’t upset you,”

“Did she upset  _you_?” Chris asked, wondering why his tone was bordering on protective.

“Not exactly, but I can’t help feeling a little uneasy,” Darren confessed.

“It’s fine Darren. It’s all fake,” Chris said, not believing his own words.

“Right…” but Darren’s reply sounded as half-hearted as Chris’ statement.


	6. Chapter 6

“Oh my God! The beds at  _Amoré_  were better than this!” Darren claimed, bouncing on his bunk.

“I don’t think people are here to enjoy the rooms anyway Darren. Just take a look out the window.”

Darren did so, and Chris hoped he understood what he’d been talking about.

They had a perfect view of the shallow part of the lake; behind it the bike trail they would hopefully be enjoying the following day; and just beyond that was a forest of full of viridescent trees, a scene that held its own wonder.

Chris had a feeling, an urge, one that he hadn’t had in a while. He went to the closest table, took out a notepad and a pen. He then began scribbling down whatever came to his mind when he looked out the window.

Darren slowly walked behind him and looked over his shoulder.

“Writer?”

“Huh?” Chris said, pausing once he’d gotten a few ideas out.

“You’re a writer.”

“Yeah. I mean, not really. I wrote a little in L.A, but not something too big.”

“But you want to,” Darren said seriously.

“Yeah.” Chris sighed. “How’d you know, by the way?”

“Oh. I get like that too. I write songs…sometimes.”

“Really,” Chris said, impressed. He was pretty sure Darren hadn’t said anything about this before.

“Yeah. I’d have my guitar with me right now if Joey—my roommate, hadn’t taken it back with him.”

“Why’d he do that.”

“He thought Sam was staying, and she hates that thing. So I told him, that no matter how much I protest or beg, he had to take that thing away.”

“That is…” Chris thought about making another snark about Darren’s girlfriend, but decided against it,  especially when he was basically taking her place on Darren’s trip. “… _random_.”

“Oh well, can’t do anything about it now. I kinda miss her, though.”

“Your girlfriend…” Chris nodded, trying his best to look sympathetic.

“I was talking about my guitar,” Darren said with a wink.

Chris simply laughed in response.

“So. You’re taking the bed tonight?”

“You can have it if you want. The floor does seem more comfortable.” Darren groaned.

“No. It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry about the same room thing again. It’s just that when I was booking it, I didn’t exactly have this in mind…” Darren said, motioning to their situation in general.

“You don’t have to apologize Darren. I—Just go to sleep.” Chris told him, not knowing how to respond.

“Okay.”

* * *

“I kind of like that you start writing first and then take a picture,” Darren commented.

They’d stopped to catch their breath, and take a few sips of water. The biking was physically demanding, to say the least, but the stops gave them time to look around and truly appreciate where they were.

“Oh. Yeah. I’m afraid all my ideas are gonna run away if I don’t catch them immediately.”

“I know the feeling. Sometimes I feel like the next lyric is right there,” he said, pointing to his right temple. “And if I could  _just_  grab it, the rest of the song would be easy.”

Chris seemed to agree with him, chuckling after taking a sip of water. Before they could get back on the trail, Chris stopped him.

“Darren. I…I wanted to properly thank you for this. You didn’t have to invite me along, or I don’t know, semi-blackmail me…but thank you.”

“Dude. I still can’t believe I did that, and I couldn’t figure out how to say sorry to you about it. So how about we forget about it. No apologizing and no thank you’s. We just take it for what it is, okay?”

“Okay?” Chris said, confused.

Darren never liked to think anybody ever owed him anything. Being a decent person shouldn’t be awarded gratitude, it was the right thing to do. That’s how he’d been raised.

“Come on. I’ve heard that the view from the end of the trail is breathtaking.” Darren said, pedaling away.

* * *

There was a pier at the end of the bike trail, one that had small boats docked nearby so that they could row back to the beginning of the entire natural enclosure.  

Darren had suggested they wait a while before going back, and he laid down on a rather unstable looking structure above the water.

He told Chris to come sit nearby, but Chris was wary, fearing it would collapse.

“It won’t break. It’s probably been here for many years, and it’s still standing.”

“What if today’s the day it decides to fall apart,” Chris demanded.

“Well then, I’d consider us to be the chosen ones,” Darren said, rolling his eyes. “Come on…”

Chris carefully took a step, hearing a creak underneath his foot. His common sense told him to go back, but he took a few steps forward, eventually reaching Darren.

“See. It wasn’t that bad. Now just relax.”

Chris obeyed, and slowly put his head back on the hard wooden planks beneath him. There was complete silence, and he felt a moment of serenity. He didn’t know what it was, but he felt as if this was where he belonged.  

And as much as he didn’t want to admit it, it was nice to have some company. Even if it was someone who talked as much as Darren did.

“I like that you’re a writer.”

“Oh?” Chris said, not sure why Darren had said that, but it made him feel good regardless.

Darren laughed to himself, “It’s better than what I thought you were…”

“And that was?”

“I don’t know, some guy who got into trouble with the Mafia…”

“That’s incredibly stereotypical, Darren,” Chris said, with feigned austerity.  

“I just saw all that money in your wallet and just assumed. But I could tell you were running away from something.”

“Yeah.” Chris said, startled at his sudden honesty that he couldn’t seem to control, “I’ve been doing that for a long time.”

“How come?”

“Never felt right anywhere. I kept thinking, ‘ _the next place will be better_ ’. But it never was…”

“Even home?”

“Huh?”

“Home never felt right?”

Chris remained stoic and silent for a moment, and Darren quickly apologized, “Sorry, man. I didn’t mean to hit a nerve or something,”

“No, it-it’s okay. But yeah, I…I never felt like I belonged there either. I always just knew that I wasn’t wanted, and I got out the first chance I got.”

Darren didn’t say anything for a while, giving Chris a chance to continue, if he wanted. But Chris didn’t want to say any more than he had.

After a few minutes, Darren articulated, “You’ll find it. Just keep on writing, or doing what you love. That’s how you’ll find it.”

“What?” Chris asked, believing Darren knew the answer.

“Whatever you’re running towards.”

* * *

After a few moments of silence, Darren prompted, “Want to head back?”

“Yeah. I know you said that I shouldn’t, but thank you for all of this.” Chris said, looking down at the water running below them.

“Hey, it’s my pleasure,” Darren said, hoping it would make Chris feel better.

“So when is your flight back?”

“Day after tomorrow.”

“Is it with layovers?”

“Not too many, I got a pretty good deal.”

“Do you think it’s too late to get tickets?”

“We could check when we get back to the hotel. I’m also gonna call my friends again, last time I tried to at that cafe the connection kept getting cut off.”

“Send them an e-mail or something,” Chris advised, and then asked. “What about your family?”

“Oh, my flight’s back to San Francisco anyway, so I’ll be seeing them soon enough. They think I’m here with my college friends, so I’ll let them believe that.”

Darren decided not to reveal how glad his parents would be to hear that he was not spending time with his girlfriend.

He never understood his parents blatant and unapologetic aversion to her, but he knew they tried to act civil when they could. It was a decision he dreaded having to make, choosing love or family.

But that was a problem for another day. Right now he was happy to spend today with Chris, who somehow managed to make all those worries disappear.


	7. Chapter 7

Back at the hotel, Darren decided to take the first shower. Chris had said he’d appreciate a few more minutes to glance at the night-sky of their heavenly view.

It was only after he finished his shower did he realize that there were no towels.

 _‘What kind of hotel doesn’t restock their towels?’_  Darren thought to himself.

He called out to their room, “Chris. You there?”

No reply. He assumed Chris may have headed out or may have fallen asleep, but just to be sure he called for Chris again. Not a peep.

Darren poked his head out the bathroom, trying to keep as much of his body hidden behind the door as he possibly could.

Chris was seated opposite the room and seemed to have been laying against the wall with his eyes shut.

He opened them when Darren popped his head out after the second call. Chris seemed to be staring right towards him, so Darren nervously asked “Can you call the front desk for some towels? Or maybe just pass me an old one?”

Chris stared at him momentarily, mouth slightly open and Darren wondered if this had been the thing to officially weird Chris out. But he snapped out of it and handed Darren a folded towel lying on the table near the bathroom door, with his eyes purposefully looking away. 

“Thank you,” Darren said sweetly, before shutting the door and drying off.

* * *

Darren had no shame, or at least that was the conclusion Chris came to.

Did he not realize that his ass was on full display in the reflection of the bathroom mirror?

Of course, Chris had to hand it to the genius architectural agent who had decided the best place for a mirror would be on the left of a door, so that when opened anyone outside could catch an image of whoever was behind that door.

 _‘Whoever’_  just so happened to be a stark naked Darren.

Darren who had an admittedly nice ass. No. That wasn’t fair. It was a magnificent ass. It was glorious. Sublime. Perfect. Chris recalled how long he’d spent staring outside this day just to get the right words to describe his surroundings. Now he wondered how long he’d have to stare at Darren’s backside just to give it the right adjective.

 _‘Whoa! No. No way. You **cannot**  do this.’_ Chris admonished himself.

Darren then chose to exit the bathroom with a t-shirt and a pair of boxers and it took all of Chris’ willpower not to stare. It wasn’t right, Darren was a nice guy, he was just trying to help him out. And the last thing he needed was a recently broken-up, depressed creep checking him out.

“You wanna take a shower?” Darren said, interrupting his thoughts.

“Huh?” Chris asked, though, in reality, it was more like a squeak. Obviously, Darren hadn’t meant it  _that_  way. He’d just finished his own shower.

“Uh huh. Yeah. I’m…” Chris said eloquently and rushed to the washroom with his pile of clothes tucked under his arm.

* * *

Darren spent the next morning hoping he hadn’t said anything wrong to make Chris mad or uncomfortable. He reviewed everything he’d said or done the previous day, and decided couldn’t figure out what it was.

Perhaps it was going a little too personal on that pier and Chris never wanted to discuss his ideas with him.

So on that final bus ride back to the airport, Darren decided to apologize.

“Hey Chris,” he said softly. “I’m really sorry.”

“About what?”

“I overstepped. Telling you that you needed to find something to be happy or some bullshit. If I offended-.”

“What? No!” Chris exclaimed. “Darren, I can’t remember the last time I talked like that to anyone. It was just what I needed.”

“Oh.” Darren said, rubbing his neck nervously, “It’s just…I know I talk a lot, and sometimes I don’t realize half the things I say could be taken in a bad way. And you don’t talk a whole lot back so…” Chris looked a little offended there, just a glimpse of pain which quickly went away.

“See. There I go again. You probably don’t want to tell me stuff for a reason, and why should you…I mean, we just met a few days ago and…”

“I want to tell you.”

“Really? Why?”

 _‘Because I feel like you’re the only one who listen_ s.’ Chris thought.

“I don’t know,” Chris said instead.

* * *

Chris decided to wait until they were both a little more relaxed. He realized that between checking in their luggage and trying to find their gate, they wouldn’t have time for much chit-chat.

“I can get us some food before we board,” Darren offered.

“Damn it, Darren. They’ll be serving us food, now keep your ass over here by the gate or we’re going back to  _Amoré_  for another week.”

That just caused Darren to grin, and stay put.

“We have a couple of hours before boarding,“ Darren said. ” You know that right?”

“Who knows what can happen. I don’t trust airports and their sense of time.”

“Fair enough,” Darren said, taking a seat and letting out a noticeable sigh. In the little time he’d known Darren, Chris knew what that sigh indicated. Darren’s mind ran at a pace Chris understood.

People had always struggled to try to get what he meant, and Chris was always tired of explaining. With Darren, Chris didn’t have to wait for him to keep up. That sigh was one of boredom, and Chris figured now was as good a time as any to keep Darren entertained the only way he knew how; by telling a story.

“I moved out of Clovis as soon as I turned eighteen. That place wasn’t right for me, in fact, it was fucking toxic.”

Darren nodded, without saying a word.

“My grandma had left me a bit of money and before you ask, she did not get it from any Mafia deals.” Chris frowned jokingly, making Darren laugh.

“It was enough to get to New York. The farthest place from Clovis that I could think of. And it was good. At least I thought it was good…I got a small apartment for myself and that was all I needed. I started writing and sending it out to publishers, and ate into my savings. But it was worth it, a year later I got the call that the book I wrote was going to be published. I thought that was all I needed, and the company did get the book out under a pseudonym.”

“Wait, why’d you use a fake name?”

“I didn’t. The publisher decided to use his own name.”

“What?”

“I think that’s what agents are for. Looking over the fine print and avoiding stupid decisions.”

“Oh shit.”

“The guy wasn’t a complete ass though, he gave me a percentage every time the book was sold, which was more than enough to live by. It also gave me a chance to invest my savings.”

“Damn, is this the part where you tell me I’ve been road tripping with a millionaire?” Darren asked.

“No. I only wish. But it was enough money to attract the likes of people like my ex.”

“No fucking way. He…” Darren paused, and then apologies spilled out, “I- I’m sorry. You just spent all that cash on…”

“Darren, don’t…” Chris started to say, unhappy that Darren took it that way, but Darren continued his promise.

“I’ll pay you back. Every last dime, alright?”

“Darren. I don’t mind.”

“I do.” Darren insisted, “and I’m sorry for cutting you off.”

Darren wished he hadn’t interrupted, because Chris then said, “Well, there’s not much more. He was only interested in the fame I could possibly offer, and this trip…it was just me grasping at straws. I…I was trying to save something that wasn’t there.” Chris said, holding back tears.

“Did you love him?”

“What?”

“It only hurts that much if you loved someone.”

“I didn’t,” Chris said firmly. “I thought I did, but love isn’t supposed to make you feel like this.”

“Love does hurt, Chris.”

“Yeah, I know. But we all deserve to be with people who’ll love us in return. I think if I was with someone who made me feel whole, even without them I’d have to be okay.”

Darren stared at him, with a hint of understanding in his eyes, but also an urgency for him to continue.

“Love should be a feeling where you never want to be apart, but even if you are it’s okay. Because the love that they gave back was enough to keep you going. If it was just a one-way thing, you give and you give until you have nothing left for yourself. That can’t be love.”

Darren felt his heart beat faster with every word that came out of Chris’ mouth.

 _‘He’s right.’_  Darren thought.

Darren didn’t want to think how Chris’ words pierced through his heart and wished they didn’t hit so close to home.

But they did.   
  


* * *

 

“Would you like a beverage?” the flight attendant said pointing to a few assorted cans of soft drinks and water.

“Diet Coke,” Chris said, pointing to it on the cart, he looked to Darren who requested some apple juice.

“Apple juice? Really?”

“Yes. I’ll have you know that caffeine actually dehydrates your body, and that’s the last thing you want on a plane.”

Chris shook his head and didn’t say anything when he saw Darren sneaking a sip of his Diet Coke.

How Darren had subconsciously convinced him to join him on his flight back to the U.S, Chris still had to discover. But he was happy where he was. In a cramped, cheap flight with a thousand layovers and crying babies behind him.

But Darren was right there too, and Chris felt the same sense of serenity he’d experienced at that shaky pier by the lake.


	8. Chapter 8

The flight was mostly uneventful, all things considered. He didn’t know what he was going to do when he got back home. 

He told his family he’d be heading back home as planned but didn’t mention that he’d be bringing back a  _stranger_  with him. 

Sam was supposed to be the extra guest at their place this weekend, but she insisted she couldn’t make it. 

They watched a few movies together, and Darren watched one by himself. Chris didn’t care too much for the romantic comedy film, which Chris didn’t care for.

“I’d rather watch a horror film.” he complained, but quickly took back after Darren found one on the fourth channel on the tiny T.V.  

Both he and Chris slept for quite a few hours after their in-flight meal, as far as Darren knew. When he woke up during the announcement for the layover, Chris was still fast asleep, curled up with an airline embroidered blanket. He noticed Chris was shivering a little, probably from the overly air-conditioned atmosphere of the plane.

Darren immediately put his own blanket over the Chris. After quietly requesting a replacement blanket of his own and checking to make sure Chris was comfortable, he went back to sleep. 

* * *

They only had a few hours to spend in their layover city Düsseldorf and spent that time meandering around the airport. This was because Chris had somehow managed to convince Darren not to risk missing their flight back to San Francisco. The airport was far from boring, Chris discovered, with cafés and restaurants filled with enticing delicacies and mouthwatering food. It was heaven compared to the food they got on the plane.

Chris tried his best not to notice Darren’s habit of constantly licking his lower lip while eating anything sweet. As if the sugary flavor was just always there and Darren couldn’t get enough of it. Chris only got out of his haze when Darren distracted him by waving a piece of his own food in front of Chris’ face.

“You’ve  _got_  to try this,” Darren said, floating the spoon near Chris’ mouth.

Chris didn’t have the time or heart to say ‘no’ to Darren and took a bite of the savory and weirdly tangy dish Darren offered him.

“Wow, that’s…really good,” Chris smiled.

“I know, right! When I plan a trip to Germany, I’ll probably do it just to come to this airport again,” Darren grinned.

In almost no time at all, they realized they’d have to board the plane once again, and Chris couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that he’d never experience this again. Sure, he could visit this place when he liked, but it wouldn’t be the same without…someone to share it with.

* * *

“Hey, Darren. We’re here.” Chris said, softly shaking his traveling partner awake.

“Hmm?” Darren mumbled, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Chris tried not to notice how adorable he looked while doing that.  

“We’re here,” Chris repeated.

Darren looked outside the closest window as if he could confirm what Chris had said from twenty thousand feet up in the air. “Home sweet home.” he smiled.

“Yeah…” Chris said, trailing off. It wasn’t his home obviously, and he didn’t even know where he’d go from here. The easiest thing to do would be to book the earliest flight to New York from San Fransisco International.

“You’re coming home with me, you know that right?”

“Huh?”

“I’m gonna need a day to sort out my things but I gotta pay you back.”

“Darren, we talked about…”

“Nope.”

Chris could have argued further.

He should have.

But he didn’t want to. 

* * *

“There they are,” Darren said, pointing out his parents who’d come to pick him up at the airport.

As they closed up, Chris noticed a man who was unmistakably Darren’s father. They had the exact same smile and nose. Chris didn’t know why he noticed that, but he did. Darren’s mother hugged Darren tight, before turning towards Chris and looking at him with a confused expression.

“Um. Mom, Dad. Remember when I told you I met a friend in Italy? Well, this is Chris,”

“Oh! We didn’t know you’d be traveling back together.” Darren’s father said.

“Dad, Chris helped me out a lot after my stuff got lost. I asked him to come along.” Darren said, simply. Chris knew that wasn’t the whole truth, but decided it was better to keep quiet.

“Really.” Darren’s mom said with a questioning gaze. She was quite for a moment but then said. “He’s coming home with us then. We need to thank him for taking care of my boy. Come here.” she said, enveloping Chris in a hug that seemed exactly as heartfelt as the one she’d given her son.

Chris hugged back and saw Darren giving Chris a large grin accompanied with an expression that said  _‘I told you…’_

“Thank you so much for what you did.” Darren’s father said, reaching out to shake Chris’ hand after Darren’s mom let go. “I’m Bill and this is my wife Cerina.”

“It’s really great to meet you,” Chris said.

“You too, dear. We wish Darren had the manners to introduce us beforehand so this wouldn’t have been so rushed.” Cerina mentioned.

“Let’s get home. Did you boys get any decent food on the flight?”

“We had some great stuff at the layover, but nothing since then,” Darren explained and then asked. “Chris? You hungry?”

“Um.” Chris decided to skip breakfast on the flight since he didn’t want to ruin the memory of the Düsseldorf food. To top it off he was worried about what would happen after he’d met Darren’s parents.

So he gave Cerina a glance and said, “Darren mentioned how great of a cook you were, so I guess the answer is yes.”

“I like him already,” Cerina said, beaming.

* * *

Darren couldn’t explain why he felt so happy seeing Chris around his parents. Usually, he was at his most comfortable around his family and was always nervous that others would break that dynamic he had with his loved ones.

His parents weren’t the biggest fans of his girlfriend, and Darren had never felt at ease bringing her over. But with Chris, nothing felt out of place, and Darren reveled in the feeling.

“I never understood why he hated pants so much.” Darren heard Cerina giggle as he approached the dining room. “He would always make such a fuss.”

“Okay, mom. Where are we drawing the line of appropriate dinner conversation?” Darren asked.

Chris was seated opposite his mother, red in the face from laughing too much and Darren couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed. He didn’t mind being a little embarrassed as long as Chris had a smile on his face.

“You were the cutest baby on Earth,” Chris declared. “And your mom is amazing.”

Cerina graciously took the compliment and thanked Chris.

“What about you, my dear. Tell us a little more about yourself.”

Darren nervously glanced at Chris, hoping his mother’s inquisitive nature wouldn’t make Chris uncomfortable.

But Chris smiled and said “Well I grew up not too far from here. Clovis is about three hours away.”

“Clovis?” Cerina said, and called to her husband in the other room “Honey! Do we know anyone in Clovis?”

“Do you remember Steven? and his wife…what was her name? Marie? I think they had family there…” Bill replied, his voice filled with doubt.

“Oh, it’s okay.” Chris said, “Nobody knows where Clovis is.”

“Is your family still there?” Darren’s mother asked.

Chris paused for a while and put up a half-hearted grin that Darren noticed was akin to his mood when they’d first met. He wanted to change the topic, he knew this was something Chris didn’t want to talk about.

“Yeah. I haven’t spoken to them for a long time,”

“Oh.” Cerina said but quickly recovered, “It’s okay. Families are like that. Sometimes we are lucky with the ones we get. Sometimes we find our way back to them, and sometimes we discover a new one along the way.”

Chris looked up at Cerina with gratitude in his eyes and glanced at Darren. “I feel like I understand Darren a lot better now.”


	9. Chapter 9

 

 “You must be exhausted,” Darren said, as Chris put the used dishes in the sink. 

 He’d insisted he’d take care of the mess, causing Cerina to lovingly pat him on the cheeks. “I tried to warn you about what a whirlwind my family is at times.”

“It’s okay,” Chris assured. “I like them.”

“I’ll show you to the guest room. I already kept your bags there.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

Chris wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do here exactly. He hadn’t been to California in four years and hadn’t planned on returning here anytime soon. He hadn’t left home on the best terms with his family and didn’t plan to reach out to them now. In fact, there was nothing stopping him from going back to New York. He could easily buy a ticket to New York now, but a part of him wanted to spend a little more time here.

He hadn’t been in a place that felt like home for a long, long time. He wanted to savor the emotion for as long as he could.

* * *

 Chris woke up early the next morning. Earlier than everyone, he noticed as he went downstairs.

Except there was a stranger sitting at the kitchen island.

He’d thought it was Darren at first, but when the guy turned around, Chris realized it wasn’t his companion.

“Who the fuck are you!?” the guy said.

Chris stepped back suddenly and said “I’m Chris. I- I met Darren…and…”

“He’s with me, Chuck.” said a sleepy voice from behind. Darren yawned, and walked up to the man, giving him a warm hug.

“Chris. This is my brother.” Darren looked at Chris. “And Chuck, this is Chris.”

“Sorry for the random outburst. I didn’t know Darren was back. If I did, I wouldn't question a stranger walking around our house at seven in the morning.”

“Ha. Ha. Ha.” Darren announced sarcastically. “As you can see, Chuck’s even more of an obnoxious asshole than I am, so I won’t blame you if you’re re-thinking coming down for breakfast.”

“Nope.” Chris said, “I was hoping to make your family something to eat, and I plan to go through with that.” He walked forward and extended his hand to Chuck. “And I guess that includes you too.”

Chuck broke out into a grin, “Keep this one around, Dare. I like him.”

* * *

 Darren offered Chris a tour of some nearby places, right after they’d taken a trip to the bank. Chris had kept a small amount of emergency savings in his account. Chris figured two impromptu trips, one in a foreign country and another in a new city, definitely warranted use of that.

Darren told Chris that he had some errands to run and that he’d meet Chris in a while.

Chris was nearly done meeting with a bank executive who needed a signature and confirmation from Chris himself before allowing him access to the money. He waited outside for a visual on Darren and spotted his car waiting for Chris in the bank’s parking lot.

“Hey,” Chris said, opening the passenger door. “Thanks for waiting. Who the hell knew I had to go through that much of a hassle to get hands on my own money.”

“Banks and their policies,” Darren shrugged. “Speaking of cash, here…”

Darren handed Chris an envelope with another bank’s logo on it.

“What’s this.”

“Dude. You spent an insane amount on both of us back there, and there’s no way I could just take that.”

“Darren…” Chris said, taking the cheque out, “This is much more than I could have possibly spent there!”

“I’m pretty sure it’s exactly what you needed back,” Darren said, completely ignoring the fact that Chris was trying to hand the money back.

“Darren, I can’t accept this.”

“You kind of can,” Darren said. “And…I may or may not be trying to bribe you into something.”

“What?”

“I was thinking…and you can totally say no.”

“No to what?” Chris asked impatiently.

“Well, instead of a flight to New York, we could road trip it?”

“A road trip?”

“Well, not all the way…”

“Why?”

“I kind of want to surprise Sam, and she’s in Fremont, which isn’t really a half way point, but…”

“Fremont? Where is that?”

“Nebraska. Her family’s there. We met at U-Mich, and then she moved back there after graduation.”

“Oh. Wow...” Chris said, hoping his voice didn’t give away how little he wanted to hear about Sam.

“So?” Darren asked, widening his eyes as if he intuitively knew what type of effect that would have on Chris.

Every part of Chris told him to refuse Darren’s offer. To stop this  _thing_ between them before it just got worse for Chris. To spend a couple of more days with him and then fly back to New York and work towards rebuilding his life.

“Yes. Let’s do it.” Chris answered.

* * *

 “Oh! One more thing before we go inside,” Darren said as he parked the car in his driveway.

“What?” Chris asked.

“Don’t mention the road trip to my parents.”

“Wha- why?”

“Um.”

“They don’t approve?”

“Not so much approve, as much as they don’t know…” Darren shrugged, “They’ve made it really clear how much they don’t like her. And it was just easier to pretend it was over than constantly listen to them begging that we end it.”

“So you’re dating her…in secret?”

“Basically.” Darren said, “It’s not as hard as it sounds.”

“So, tell me. What are they gonna think when we leave one morning, with a packed car, and don’t come back that afternoon?” Chris asked exasperatedly.

“We’ll cross that bridge when it comes. Just keep it on the down low.”

Chris couldn’t help himself, “Don’t do that, Darren.”

“What?”

“Don’t do that to yourself, or your parents.”

“Hey. It’ll be fine.”

“I’m not the one who needs to be consoled here. I’m a flight away from abandoning all of this, but I can’t let you just do that. Leaving a family that loves you so much, it messes people up. It only leads you into bad shit. You’ve gotta take this a little more seriously.”

“And where has being serious gotten anyone? It got you into a crappy situation too, didn’t it?”

Chris simply stared at Darren, internally mesmerized by him. It was a truth Chris didn’t even have the guts to say to himself, yet Darren easily could.

“I know what I need to do, and I know what I’m giving up,” Darren said, looking at his house.  “But that’s just it, I’m charge of my decisions. Nobody else. Even if everything goes completely to shit, I can’t blame anyone but myself.”

And it made sense to Chris. In the weirdest way, Chris understood where Darren was coming from.

“We’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. And my parents, they’ll forgive me. I’ll plead, get yelled at and worse case scenario face a lot of snarky comments, but they’ll still love me. That’s the only way I can easily leave. Because I know I can come back.”

“You’re lucky, you know that.”

“Yeah, I am. I know it’s not the easiest thing for you to talk about, your family. But if you ever need to, you know I’m there, right?”

Chris nodded, believing that wholeheartedly, and also implying that he would keep his promise and not speak a word of this scheme to Darren’s parents.


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

Darren knew it wasn’t right to ask Chris to accompany him yet again. He’d already done so much for him. Yet there was only one person’s wish that would convince him to let Chris go. 

And that was Chris himself.

He couldn’t explain everything to Chris. He wasn’t sure Chris would ever understand just how much his parent’s approval mattered to him. He just needed a little bit of time to convince them that Sam was the right girl. And he was certain that a few weeks with her would prove that.

Of course, that’s what Italy was for.

Darren wasn’t exactly sure what Chris had said to his mom and dad, but they seemed perfectly fine with  _not_ accompanying Darren to his trip of ‘ _only dropping Chris to the airport’._ They didn’t even seem to question the amount of luggage, that seemed three times more than what Chris had entered their home with. They did, however, question the fact that Darren was using a rental car.

“We can go to David’s for a late lunch, Darren…” his father told him.

Luckily Chris saved him with some quick thinking when Darren desperately searched for an answer to give his inquisitive father.  

“No, no. It’s fine. I pre-booked this rental car a few days ago and I have already paid them. Plus Darren offered to drop me with it and return it on my behalf,”

“Well, that seems like an awful waste of money,”

“I know.” Chris looked downcast, “Unfortunately, their cancellation policy is terrible, but I’ll live,”

“Well, have a safe trip,” he replied, giving Chris an encouraging smile.

* * *

As Darren waved goodbye to his parents, he tried pushing down the guilt he felt about lying to them. But that wasn’t the only thing he tried to suppress. 

There was also the voice inside his head that repeated: ‘ _You’re more excited about the trip itself than what’s at the end of it._ ’

* * *

Chris had thought Darren would be more organized for this trip. It was a twenty-two-hour drive to Fremont and could have easily been completed in shifts, but for some reason, he’d managed to extend it into a span of a couple of days.

Chris wasn’t complaining.

“Do you wanna get something to eat?”

“Darren. We’ve literally been on the road for half an hour.” Chris said.

“Okay. Then let’s play a game.”

“A game?”

“Yeah.”

“As long as it doesn’t inhibit your driving capabilities…”

“It won’t.” Darren confirmed, “I’ll start.”

“Obviously.”

“What is your favorite book?”

“Ever?”

“It’s not an easy question, I’ll grant you that, but…”

“There was this collection of fairy tales my grandma used to read to me when I was young. She started out when I was old enough to pay attention to them, and just continued. She did it until I knew those stories by heart and would mouth along to them when she read them to me, and even after that.”

Chris paused there to note Darren’s reaction. They had stopped at a red light, and Darren gave the smallest turn of his head and his affectionate smile urged Chris to continue.

“They were just ordinary fairy tales, the ones everyone grows up hearing or reading. But that book, I love it so much. I still have it. I mean, I love lots of stories. Ranging from ‘ _To Kill a Mockingbird_ ’ all the way to ‘ _Harry Potter’_. But that one  _book_  is my favorite.”

“Okay. Now I’m afraid to ask you what your favorite color is.” Darren joked, but with enough sincerity in his voice to show how that he was glad Chris had shared that.

“Asshole,” Chris said, knowing that wouldn’t falter Darren’s grin. “It’s blue.”

* * *

“And they never suspected it was you?” Darren asked in between breaths and started to wipe a tear from his eye.

Chris took control of the steering wheel for a while and had just finished telling Darren a story of how he got revenge on a middle-school bully.

“Never,” Chris said proudly, looking to the side before changing lanes.

“Damn it, Colfer. If that was you in middle school, I can’t wait to hear what you got up to in junior high…”

“Ironically, I did nothing that year.”

“Huh? Really?”

“I needed a break. Eventually, those assholes from middle school learn new words and new techniques to make a person’s life a living hell.”

“Oh. So you laid low?”

“Homeschooled.”

“Damn…That bad?” Darren asked.

“Yeah.”

Darren’s phone rang again. His parents had been calling for an hour in response to a cryptic voicemail he’d sent them once they were out of California.

_“Hey, Mama. I know you’re gonna get really mad at me for this. I’m sorry I lied to you guys, but I’ll be home real soon. I promise. Love you both.”_

“What’s wrong with answering the phone now?” Chris asked.

“They’ll somehow guilt me into coming back. My mom is really sneaky like that…”

“So you’re just gonna ignore them?”

“Until I get to Sam’s place. And then we’ll go see them together.”

“And Sam knows about this, right?”

“Not exactly.”

Chris grip on the wheel tightened, so much that Darren could see his knuckles turn white.

“I am  _this_ close to turning this car around and dragging your ass back to your home.”

“Why?” Darren asked, his tone indicating that the threat meant absolutely nothing to him.

“Because what you’re heading into is so uncertain….”

Darren opened his mouth to say something, but Chris stopped him before he could “And don’t you dare give me some line about how ‘ _our life is always full of uncertainty and chaos_ ’ or whatever.”

Darren broke out into a huge grin and said, “You know me too well.”

“So?”

“So I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. Right now I just want to enjoy this.”

“This?” Chris asked.

“ ** _This_** ,” Darren repeated, not offering Chris any more of an explanation.

* * *

“It’s a decent motel,” Darren said, parking into a vacant space near the door of the building.

Chris hauled their bags as Darren went to the check-in counter. He noticed that Darren chose to keep one room instead of two, and he also didn’t miss the disgusted look the lady behind the counter gave them.

Darren must have seen her expression as well because what he did next was completely random.

He pulled Chris close and linked their arms together, and said louder than he needed to, “Remind me to order the extra bedsheets in an hour, sweetheart.”

Chris blushed and looked down in embarrassment.

As soon as they got into their room, Chris asked: “That wasn’t necessary.”

“Oh, but it was Christopher. Fuckers like that need to be shut down before they start, you know what I mean?” Darren said, phrasing it less like a question and more like a statement.

“Yeah, well. You gotta choose your battles wisely. What if she’d kicked us out.”

“Then we’d find another place.”

“And what if every other place would do the same?”

“The car’s not that uncomfortable…” Darren shrugged.

“Seriously?” Chris asked, a little worried but at the same time impressed.

“Yes,” Darren confirmed.

Chris couldn’t ignore the slight flutter of his heart at Darren’s words. But he tried.

* * *

“So, home-schooling? What was that like?” Darren asked, laying on his side, facing Chris’ bed, with his head propped up on his hand.

“Okay, I’ll bite, you just wanna know about more my estranged past don’t you?” Chris said, putting his phone on charging.

“Yes. But…I’m genuinely interested in the difference between public, private and homeschool education. Between the two of us, we have experienced all three systems.”

“You were in a private school?” Chris asked.

“Avoiding the question, I see,” Darren pointed out, “Yes. I was.”

“What was that like?”

“I asked first,” Darren smiled.

“You’re insufferable,” Chris smirked, “It was okay. I woke up later than I normally would have. All my books were always in my room, and I got to present my book reports to my parents.”

“Sounds fun,”

“It was even better when my grandma was there. Oh, she would just, make everything ten times more interesting than it ever was.” Chris said, his eyes getting a little watery just thinking about the memory. “I was convinced she was a genius, and she told me that I was going to make it one day. She’d always tell me,  _‘You are meant for a greater deal than this place. This place is too small for you. You can’t just go around walking like everyone else. People like you were meant to soar.’_ “

“Wow, that’s beautiful,”

“My parents were angry at her for putting ‘ _unrealistic_ ’ ideas in my head. After a year of constant bickering between the family, I decided high school was more bearable. And I was wrong about that.”

“High school kids are shitty.”

“You can say that again,” Chris agreed and quietly said, “But I graduated and with Grandma gone, I didn’t feel like home was home anymore, and she left me almost everything. I figured if I could do one thing to honor her memory, it would be to get out of there.”

“Oh, okay. But didn’t your parents try to get you back?” Darren asked, cautiously.

“I left them a strongly worded letter, which I believe must be the reason they didn’t,”

“But you were just a kid, they couldn’t have taken that to heart,”

“They did though, they didn’t try. Not once,” Chris replied, with a slightly bitter tone.

“Maybe they were respecting your wishes?”

“You’re taking their side?” Chris asked defensively.

“I’m not, I’m not…” Darren insisted, “I’m just trying to see both sides of the situation. I think you should give your family one more chance, but I also have to say that sometimes you have to do what you believe is right. Even when the everyone in the world is telling you ‘ _you can’t’._ You have to be the one to say ‘ _I can_ ’.”

Chris nodded quietly to himself.

“We had to wear blazers and shine our shoes every day at school,” Darren started, and it took Chris a minute before realizing that Darren had changed the topic to lighten the mood.

“No way. Please tell me you have pictures?”

“I think there may be an obscure Facebook album titled  _‘Down Memory Lane’,_ ” Darren smiled, calling Chris over to his bed, and loading the pictures on his phone. Chris felt nice to be able to share a part of his past with him and loved getting an insight into Darren’s life as well.

"Who's this?" Chris said, pointing to a picture with Darren hugging another boy from behind, with a huge smile on his face. 

"Oh! That's Jacob. We were... _close._ "

Chris raised his eyebrows, curious to know more, but Darren ended the story with: "It didn't work out well between the two of us, and I should have known, I mean...we were attending a Catholic School," 

Chris decided not to say anything, knowing that painful memories never brightened the mood. However, Darren’s old pictures seemed to confirm a theory Chris had about him, Darren never had an ugly phase in his life.  _Ever_. 

 


	11. Chapter 11

_Chris felt a tap on his shoulder which he responded to with a groan._

_“Psst. Chris. You awake?”_

_Chris opened his eyes, and their motel room was completely dark. But Chris could make out Darren’s features regardless. The slope of his nose to the curve of his lips. His bedhead, which Chris had seen too often for their level of friendship. And Darren’s current proximity. That was a little too close._

_“What?” Chris whispered back._

_“I kind of really want to kiss you.”_

_“Huh?” Chris squeaked. He tried to move, or look around, but couldn’t see anything besides Darren’s outline. But he could definitely feel. He could feel Darren’s weight right on top of him. And Darren was only moving closer, and closer, just enough that Chris could feel his breath on his cheek…_

Chris woke with a loud gasp, and looked around. Darren was fast asleep in his own bed on the other side of the room. Snuggling with a blanket, wrapped around his body.

‘ _A dream. It was a dream. You’re fucking dreaming about him now?_ ’ Chris scolded himself mentally.

He knew he couldn’t do this to himself or Darren. But how in the world was he supposed to control his own subconscious, which clearly knew what he wanted. Chris put his arm over his eyes, hoping he’d fall back to sleep, with appropriate dreams this time.

* * *

Darren woke up early the next morning. The beams of light through the curtains had chosen his face as their reaching point, as opposed to any other point in the room. In all the times he’d slept in the same place as Chris, Darren noticed Chris was always awake first.

Today seemed to be an anomaly, so Darren decided to appreciate it and get out of bed. But not before pausing and take a glance at Chris while he was still sleeping. In a completely non-creepy way. No, more like a very friendly way. Yeah.

Chris seemed more at peace when he was asleep. His frown was almost non-existent, and his hair floppy. His shoulders even seemed more relaxed, less hunched in a protective manner, almost pliant. Even huggable. People classified Darren as a hugger, but little did they know that he would pay close attention to people before he would ever actually hug them. He’d notice how comfortable they were around him, he’d look at their body language and only when he knew that they wouldn’t mind one, is when he gave them a hug.

Darren fought off the urge to give Chris one and decided to go distract himself with the breakfast bar downstairs, making a mental note to sneak some stuff for Chris upstairs later on.

* * *

“I have another stop for us?” Darren said excitedly, looking out his window.

“Now what?” Chris tried to sound nonchalant, but in reality he felt as excited as Darren did. He knew this road trip wasn’t meant to last more than a day. Yet here he was, driving in a car without a care in the world, only focused on what adventure was in store for him and Darren next.

“Well, you loved that go-karting place so much, I thought we’d try another activity.”

“Okay. Darren are you sure this isn’t messing with your plans.”

“For the last time, no. We’re making the most of the trip there.” Darren said and then continued, mumbling the last of the explanation, “And…I’m just trying to line things up perfectly…”

Chris just barely heard it, but decided not to pursue it further. Darren would talk about something that bothered him. At least, that’s what Chris assumed.

* * *

“Just Jumpers?” Chris said, getting out of the car, “What the hell is this place?”

“Just get inside. will you.” Darren replied, beckoning from the door of the building.

As Chris entered the smell of an excessive use of air freshener hit him, only to mask the smell of an insane amount of shoes. That’s when he saw where he was. An entire room full of trampolines. Every inch of floor past the cashier was completely covered by a black tarp to bounce on. Even some of the walls.

“Wh- How did you even come up with this?”

“It seemed cool,”

“Now come on. I booked us an hour for online, but they need your signature on their liability waiver.”

“Okay?”

“Hurry up,” Darren said, already slipping off his shoes and wearing a weird pair of bright pink socks with a ‘ ** _JJ’_  **logo all over them.

“Here you go, sir.” the teenager behind the counter said, handing him his own pair of socks. “Have fun.”

“I hope so,” Chris replied, and then joined Darren onto a particularly tame looking trampoline.

* * *

Darren didn’t realize that fifteen minutes later he and Chris would be gasping for breath and sweating like hell.

“Holy shit. I didn’t know it’d take that much out of you.” Chris said, bent over forward and clutching his own knees for support.

“Me neither. But it’s fun, right?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever done anything more exhilarating,” Chris said, with a toothy smile.

“Okay. But you might wanna re-think that statement. They have dodgeball. Like on trampolines.”

“What the hell are we doing here?” Chris said, motioning for Darren to lead the way.

* * *

The next morning Darren woke up with an intense pain in his back. And neck. And legs.

“Urghh.” he groaned, not realizing that it could wake Chris up in the bed across the room.

“I know,” Chris comforted him, apparently still in bed himself.

“It fucking hurts,” Darren complained.

“I can’t move at all,” Chris said.

“Neither can I. And check out is in two hours.”

Chris simply let out a loud gruff in response.

“I’m gonna call reception. Ask them if we can add another night to our stay. Since neither of us can go downstairs, let alone drive a car.” Darren suggested.

“Okay. Call for room service after that.”

“Right,” Darren affirmed, dialing zero and began explaining their situation.

“Got it!” Darren whooped a minute later, “booked for an extra night,”

* * *

By midday, they regained control of their limbs and could move around the room with their stiff muscles. They watched a few episodes of a  _Monk_ marathon on cable, desperately trying to figure out the criminal before the show’s lead could.

“What are you gonna do once you get back to New York?” Darren asked during one commercial break. He had moved onto Chris’ bed to get closer to the TV set and was currently lying at the foot of Chris’ bed, while Chris rested against the headboard.

“Um. I don’t know. I hadn’t felt like writing for the longest time when I was there.”

“ _Hadn’t_? You do now?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s good.” Darren smiled, “Do you know what you’d like to write about once you get back?”

“Oh, I have a few ideas,” Chris replied. He looked at Darren and it suddenly hit him that he wouldn’t be looking at him for long. They’d reach their destination tomorrow, and Chris had a flight booked out of Fremont to New York the next afternoon.

He missed Darren already.


	12. Chapter 12

 

 

They had been driving for almost an hour. Darren had insisted on driving, but Chris could just tell his nerves were off and told him that he’d take the wheel.

Chris glanced at the GPS and said “We should be at Sam’s place soon. You sure that’s the right address?”

“Yeah,” Darren mumbled, looking outside the car window.

“Everything okay?” Chris asked, for the hundredth time that morning.

“I’m fine,” Darren looked over at him, “Just a little nervous.”

“Nervous?”

Darren silently nodded.

Chris took a deep breath, “You love her, right?”

“I…Y-Yeah?”

“And she loves you?” Chris asked carefully.

“I think so.”

“Then you both will be fine.”

Darren gave him a grateful smile but continued looking out the window.

* * *

“I think that’s her place,” Darren said, as he parked outside a fairly large ranch house.

“There’s no car in the driveway.” Chris pointed out. “Do you wanna call her, or ring the doorbell?”

Darren slowly got out of the car and walked to the front door. Chris waited patiently, as Darren tried the doorbell a couple of times, and knocked as well.

“No answer?” Chris asked.

“No. I’m sure she’ll be back soon…” Darren said, looking around. They sat on the porch for a few minutes, with Darren standing up every time a car sped by the house.

“I’m not sure if I can wait here too long,” Chris mentioned, gesturing towards the car.

“Oh right,” Darren said, “You have a flight to catch, and return the rent-a-car too.”

“Yeah,”

Chris was battling two powerful emotions within himself. One not wanting to leave Darren alone here, and the other, not willing to see Darren with anyone else. It was selfish of him, he knew that; to purposely book a flight out to New York this early, He could have easily waited for the next day. But he couldn’t do that to himself, not again.

“I’ve gotta go, Darren,” Chris said, hoping he’d just imagined that crack in his own voice.

He didn’t want to do this, to leave, but Chris knew it wasn’t right to stay. For a moment he thought  _‘fuck the consequences’_ ;Darrenhad brought back a light in his life that he was sure had vanished forever, and Chris didn’t want to lose that. But it wasn’t fair to Darren to keep him from something he wanted and Chris couldn’t be the cause of Darren’s pain.

He never wanted to be.

Darren stepped closer for a goodbye hug, but Chris paused midway and held him by the shoulders. Darren looked confused momentarily, but it gave Chris the time to softly say, “Don’t ever change, Darren. You may already know that, but promise me this, okay?”

“Okay,”

“Good,” Chris affirmed and then completed what Darren set out to do. Chris held on to Darren tighter than he should have, but it also could have been the force behind Darren’s hug as well.

He got into the car and slowly drove away, trying his hardest not to look at Darren’s image in the rearview mirror.

* * *

Darren hadn’t heard from Sam in the since they started their trip. And he couldn’t find the courage to tell Chris that.

Nothing from her actually confirming that she knew Darren was going to be at her house soon. Darren was certain this was nothing to worry about. Sam had often shown up to his dorm room and parties unannounced, and Darren never considered it something to mull over.

Sure, his friends and roommates were unhappy with the random appearances but Darren convinced them to let it go. Darren had tried his hardest to make relations between his friends and Sam amicable at least, without much luck. For some reason, they couldn’t see the same things Darren saw in her.

Darren would never admit it out loud, but as the miles on the GPS decreased as they headed towards Sam’s house, he had trouble recalling those things. He felt like an ass of a boyfriend and a friend. It wasn’t like he could blame Chris for his inability to remember what he liked about his girlfriend.

Chris was something else. To relate him to his friends back in university would have been unfair because Darren didn’t believe he judged people in his life based on comparisons. Chris was just Chris. He had known what Chris was about to do on that bridge back in Italy, and Darren did what anyone would have done.

At that time he thought he was helping Chris out being by his side, but Darren knew that if anything, he was doing everything in his power not to let Chris go. But it wasn’t fair to Chris. It would have been so easy to fall for Chris completely, but Darren couldn’t do that.

He knew how many people he would hurt if he’d done that. Especially Chris. Chris who he knew deserved the world and more. He didn’t need another person getting in the way of his dreams.

Darren knew this was the path he’d chosen for himself. He was also aware of the choices he  _didn’t_  make when concerning Chris. Actions that he wanted to do more than anything, but he knew they’d have irreparable consequences. It hurt, but he knew it was the best thing for everyone’s sake.

Waving goodbye to Chris as he drove away was almost as terrible as not having his own girlfriend answer the door after he was sure he’d seen her inside.

* * *

‘ _back so soon?_ ’ Chris’ agent had texted when he’d told her about his travel plans.

‘ _don’t ask…’_

_‘need me to get you anything?’_

_‘someone to move all my stuff from old place?’_

_‘What? old place?’_

_‘I’m moving out of there. I never needed such a big place anyway, and I don’t want to go back there. EVER.’_

_‘Okay?You’re paying me for overtime.’_

_‘Of course…I’ll see you soon.’_

* * *

Chris couldn’t recall the last time he’d written like this. The words seemed to pour out without any blockage. He wrote page after page. He was sure most of it was nonsense, and he’d probably sort out the publishable material later, but he felt like nothing could stop him.

It had only been a few of months since he’d been back in New York, but he’d accomplished more in the last weeks than he had in the previous two years combined.

This book was going to be different. He found himself expressing emotions he’d been too afraid of writing about before. Sometimes he just wrote for the hell of it, discarding countless pages of documents into the trash bin of his computer. There was so much he needed to get out.

* * *

It took him almost a year. Chris was pretty proud of himself. He’d gotten a new apartment in the city, and although it was considerably less ostentatious than his previous one, he liked it. It was more  _him._ All he needed was a writing desk, an internet connection and a grocery store within walking distance.

He’d tried his hardest to keep in contact Darren all those months.

In the beginning, Darren would respond back with texts asking how Chris was doing. But as the months passed, Darren’s texts became more simple, and then one day he stopped altogether.

Chris tried to call him but to no avail. Darren didn’t answer his phone, but Chris knew his texts were getting to him. So were his calls. Chris left quite a number of voicemails, and he was certain Darren was listening because his voicemail-box was never full.

Chris was hurt. Obviously.

He couldn’t write for weeks. After a while, he wondered if Darren was okay. It didn’t seem very much like Darren to do that to him or anyone for that matter.

* * *

When he knew Darren wasn’t going to pick up, Chris finally picked up the courage to recall and promptly search up a number that he hadn’t seen in many years.

“Hello,” a gruff voice answered on the other end.

“Dad?”

Chris and his father didn’t talk for as long as the phone call felt. The first thing his father had done was apologize. He explained that he understood why Chris had run away like that. He said he didn’t expect Chris to return, which hurt Chris to his core since he’d thought that he’d at least be asked to be seen.

But Chris also realized the consequence of his actions. Some choices had to come at a price. And he’d decided his own fate. But he realized that he didn’t need to sever his connections completely to do so. Sometimes a little closure was enough.

* * *

“Pack your bags sweetheart, we’re going on a book tour?” his agent had informed him the previous week.

“Really?” Chris had exclaimed on the phone.

“I would not joke about something like this, babe. I don’t know what you’re doing right, but you’ve got that magic back.”

“That fast?"

“What can I say? You and I are a good team,”

“Wow,” Chris had whispered, still in shock.

This novel had been a huge risk. It wasn’t like anything he’d written before, one of the criticisms he’d gotten was that he was too honest in it.

But Chris took that as the biggest compliment he could receive because that’s exactly what he was aiming for. Raw, authentic, and heart-wrenching. But Chris also told a tale of hope within his story, hoping it balanced out the despair he’d written in the most sincere way of expressing his emotions.

* * *

Chris made sure to include Fremont on his selection of cities for his tour. It was quite random, and he knew there wouldn’t be many fans there, but he’d somehow gotten his way. He knew meeting Darren there would be a long-shot but he had to try. He had to.

Even after all that pain, Chris wanted to give Darren the benefit of the doubt, certain that Darren would never intentionally do that Chris in such a way. So he wanted to give it one last try, hoping to catch Darren where he’d last seen him.  

There was the possibility that Darren wasn’t in that city anymore, which was why Chris also added Darren’s hometown to the list.

Darren had admitted he could never stay away from San Fransisco for too long.

 


	13. Chapter 13

Chris had been on the road so long he could hardly keep track of which city he was in. Days and nights passed like a blur and he desperately tried not to repeat answers to some of the same questions he was asked. He stifled a yawn and looked out towards the crowd, carefully grasping his mic.

“Chris! Hey, right here!” a girl frantically waved her hands back and forth to catch Chris’ attention from within the crowd.

“Yes,” Chris smiled, indicating that she could now breathe and ask her question.

“Thank you,” the panicked girl said, “First of all. I just loved the book.” She waited as the rest of the fans around her applauded Chris’ efforts. “My question is, why was there such a big shift in the topics you wrote about?”

“Uh. Okay. Loaded question there. I’m just gonna say; that’s what life is I guess. At first, I was trying too hard to stick to one genre, because I thought that was it. That’s all anyone was ever gonna read by me, or like about me. But I came to realize I had a lot more to offer, and I’m really glad it worked out.”

The fan seemed quite satisfied with the answer, as did the rest of the fans.

Chris’ agent pointed at her wristwatch; tapping it, and Chris spoke into the microphone, “Okay, I think I have time for one more question.”

He scanned the crowd for a potential and hopefully pleasant person. A young boy, about sixteen, nervously raised his hand, and Chris pointed to him.

“Yes?”

“Uh…” the boy looked around worried, and then asked, “Who is this book for?”

Chris paused for a moment, and then said, “I’m sorry.”

“Is it anyone specific? Because you never mentioned a name, but you say: ‘ _D.C. Thank you for helping me find what I was running towards. I’ll always be grateful to you._ ’ There’s no name there.”

“That was just me trying to be mysterious,”

“Did something happen to you in Washington D.C?” an older lady’s voice from the back of the bookstore asked rather loudly, causing Chris to shrug his shoulders in a dramatic manner, and then began to wave goodbye as he was lead away from the podium.

* * *

“You know, you still haven’t told me what the hell happened to you in Italy.” Chris’ manager said.

“I guess that’s for me to know and you to find out,” Chris deadpanned, “The next stop is San Fransisco, right?”

“Yeah,”

“Good. I missed it.”

“Missed it? Now I have to know what happened,”

“Maybe if you get me drunk enough, I’ll tell you.”

“Don’t put it past me,” she said, and pulled her iPad out of her bag and began to check her e-mails.

* * *

“Thanks again for coming,” Chris smiled at the young teen, “I’m glad you enjoyed the book.”

“Thank you,” the kid replied, walking away excitedly. Chris waved him goodbye and looked at the next people in line. Chris was taken aback because they were the last couple of people he expected to be standing in line.

“Cerina? Bill?”

Mrs. Criss was clutching Chris’ book in one hand, and her husband stood behind her, both of them had rather strained expressions on their faces.

Chris didn’t think he’d ever seen her without a smile, but he supposed there was something wrong. Cerina still hadn’t said a word, and Chris figured something was upsetting her.

Bill spoke up, “Hello, Chris. We’re sorry to spring up on you like this, but it turns out this was the only way we could reach you.”

“I’m sorry?” Chris asked confused. His manager stepped up behind him and Chris realized that it was because Darren’s parents were holding up the line.

“If it’s possible, could you escort them to the back room?” he asked of his agent, thinking quickly. He turned to Bill and Cerina saying, “I promise I’ll be there in a little while, and we can talk.”

Darren’s father nodded, guiding Cerina and following his agent.

* * *

Chris entered the room and saw Darren’s parents anxiously pacing back and forth; rather than sitting on the chairs provided for them.

Cerina noticed Chris immediately and tapped her husband’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” Chris said, sitting down.

“Where’s Darren?” Cerina burst out.

“What?”

“Dear, let’s just take a seat,” Bill said calmly. “Chris, please.”

“What’s wrong?” Chris said, getting a sick feeling.

“After the two of you left home, we were obviously worried,” Bill started out.

Chris coughed awkwardly, knowing there was no way he could breeze past that topic.

“Darren’s done crazy things like that for as long as we can remember. We know what our son is like. But he finds a way to put our minds at ease.”

Chris listened intently, wondering exactly what they were talking about.

Cerina then suddenly said, “He hasn’t spoken to us in for months. Not since that voicemail he sent me after the day he left.”

Chris’ heart broke at Cerina’s tone. He didn’t say a word, letting them continue.

“We’ve tried calling him countless times. Nothing. And then we thought about contacting you, but you weren’t as easy to reach. Darren never mentioned you were a famous writer,” Bill said.

“Well. Not exactly famous.”

“Famous enough not to get back to us,” Cerina said. “This was the only way we could get a hold of you.”

“I’m so so sorry about that Cerina, but…” Chris began but stopped himself. He couldn’t say that he didn’t know where Darren was because he had a pretty good idea. But if Darren didn’t want to tell his parents, then he didn’t have a right to either. Looking at their worried yet hopeful faces thinking he could provide the answer, Chris wanted to do something.

“I…” Chris didn’t know if he had the rught to tell them the truth. Regardless of what had happened between him and Darren, he could not betray his trust like that.

“What?” Cerina asked.

“I…I don’t know where he is,” Chris said.

“Chris,” Bill said, “we understand if you don’t want to tell us. But we just want to know if he’s okay?”

“Huh?”

“Is he okay? Because I know my boy. He can barely go a few days without talking to us. Let alone so many months. We just want to know if he’s fine. If he’s…” Bill said, choking up a little.

Before Chris could stop himself, he said “He’s fine. Oh god, please don’t cry. I promise you, Darren is fine.”

“How do you know he’s fine if you don’t know where he is?” Cerina said.

“I- Yes. I do know…” Chris stumbled.

“We just want to know if he’s okay,” Bill insisted. “That’s all.”

“I promise you, Darren’s perfectly alright,” Chris said.

Cerina looked at Chris, stared rather as if she knew he wasn’t telling the truth.

 “Then please, convince him to come home. Do that for me, please. If you can’t tell us where he is. If you can’t give us that, then just get him here to us. I don’t know what’s going on in that boy’s head. If he thinks we care that he’s with you, but you tell him it’s okay.”

“Wait, what?”

“We understand Chris. Of course, both Cerina and I were raised as Catholics, and I think that Darren was worried about us finding out about the two of you being together. We should have said something earlier, to assure him that we do not mind, of course, we don’t. But that boy. When he gets an idea in his mind, it’s difficult to convince him otherwise.” Bill explained.

“Oh my god,” Chris whispered to himself.


	14. Chapter 14

Chris finally understood Darren’s parents meant.

As far as Bill and Cerina knew, Chris and Darren had run away so they could be together. They believed that Darren simply meant to introduce Chris and subsequently decided to run away from them because they wouldn’t approve of their relationship.

“Okay. I think I should just explain…” Chris began but was interrupted.

“There’s no need, Chris,” Cerina said, with a hopeful smile on her face. “Just get him back to us. Give us a chance to explain that we love him no matter what.”

Chris didn’t have the heart to tell her just how wrong they were.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’ll bring him home. I mean, I’ll try my best to convince him.”

“Oh thank you!” Cerina said, pulling Chris into a hug.

He patted her back comfortingly, as Bill gave him a silent appreciative nod.

‘ _Great. Now I just have to find Darren.’_

* * *

Fremont probably wasn’t the best idea for a stop in his tour. Chris had kept it as the last stop, thinking he could spend some extra time there after the tour had ended. The book signing itself was one of the quickest in the tour.

Chris set out a plan for his visit to the mountainous state. A hotel was booked for a couple of weeks, and he rented out a car for his convenience. He wasn’t sure if Darren would be up for a road trip back to San Fransisco with him. Or if Darren even wanted to talk to him.

He kept in touch with Darren’s parents, assuring them that he was going to keep his promise.

Chris convinced himself that he was doing this for Cerina and Bill, who were just being loving parents. They were wonderful hosts, who had been nothing but kind to him. He was doing this as a personal favor. He wasn’t doing this for himself. To face Darren in person and demand to know exactly what he’d done to deserve months of no contact.

No. That wasn’t it at all.

He remembered the area where he’d last seen Darren. Sam’s exact address escaped his mind, but when he described the general vicinity to some people at the airport tourist help counter, a sweet old lady had given him the answer he needed. He copied down the location’s address quickly, and as soon as he got into the car, he entered it into the GPS system.

* * *

‘ _There it is.’_ Chris thought.

Sure enough, it was Sam’s house. Chris recalled driving away from it, the last place he’d seen Darren. Nobody had answered the door at the time, but there were a couple of cars in the driveway, so Chris was sure someone had to be home this time.

Chris took a deep breath and grabbed the box of pastries he’d thought would be an appropriate gift to give as a first-time visitor to their home. He rang the doorbell, and pretty soon a young woman came to the door.

“Can I help you?”

“Hi,” Chris said, his voice a little more panicked than he would have liked. “Samantha?”

“Yeah?” the girl said, clearly a little confused.

“I’m a friend of Darren’s.”

“Sam? Honey, who is it?”  a deep voice called out from some room in the house.

“One second, Dad!” she replied, and then whispered, “I don’t know anyone called Darren.”

“Darren?…Darren Criss. He…I…” Chris stumbled out. “You  _are_  Samantha Wells, right?”

“Yes, but that…”

A rather tall man walked out of the living room and glanced at Chris with a smile. “How may I help you?”

Before Chris could say anything, Sam interjected and said, “He’s an old friend from university dad. I forgot to tell you, but he was in town and he wanted to drop by.”

Chris furrowed his eyebrows but kept quiet.

Sam’s father looked back and forth at them, wondering if his daughter was telling the truth.

“Okay. Well, let him in, sweetheart. I’m Henry, by the way. Nice to meet you.”

Chris stepped inside cautiously, shook the man’s hand, and sat down at the seat Sam pulled out for him. “Chris. It’s nice to meet you too, sir.”

“Well, I’ll let the two of you catch up,” Henry said, walking back into the living room.

* * *

As soon Sam heard the television volume increase, she whispered, “You need to leave.”

Chris was momentarily dumbstruck, but then found it in himself to ask: “Why the hell would you lie to him like that?”

“I…” Sam started but did not provide an excuse.

“I’m gonna take a guess and say that you were lying about Darren as well.”

She glared at Chris angrily and said, “I know Darren,”

“Where is he?”

“Not here,”

“What do you mean he’s not here?” Chris asked, slightly terrified of that answer.

“He was here a while back. Last time I saw him was a couple of months ago, I think. Haven’t seen him since.” she said quietly, looking back to check if her father was listening.

“What? What happened? I thought you two were together and…he. I mean, he came here to be with you.”

“Well, it didn’t work out, okay? It was never going to…” Sam huffed.

“You couldn’t have told him that before he traveled a hundred miles for you?”

“I didn’t think he’d care that much okay! I mean, who the hell actually does that?”

“He would!” Chris burst out. He couldn’t believe her. Did she not realize how lucky she was!? “He loved you so much that he did. He did that despite everyone telling him otherwise.”

Sam just looked back to make sure her father hadn’t heard that.

“What did you say to him?” Chris demanded.

“He came here out of the blue, okay. Yapping on about how much he cared about me. I hadn’t told my dad about him, and he just…he surprised me.”

“What did you say?”

“I told him to leave. I told him I couldn’t be with him. Whatever.”

“ _Whatever?_ ” Chris mocked.

“Yeah.”

“You strung him along! You told him that you loved him as much as he loved you, just to end it like that!”

“Look, why do you care so-“

“Because he’s a fucking person! You don’t do that to someone. He…His family doesn’t even know where he is!”

“And that’s my fault?” she said, with a tone that only infuriated Chris further.

“No. You know what? You’re right, it isn’t your fault. It’s Darren’s. That’s exactly what he deserved, right? Being in love with someone like you?”

Sam took in a deep and shaky breath but didn’t say another word.

“Is everything alright here?” Henry said, walking into the room, looking rather intimidating.

“Everything’s perfectly fine,” Chris said. He got up slowly and walked towards the door. “I’m glad I got to talk to you, Sam. It cleared up a lot of things.”

Sam sat there, not saying a word, as Chris slammed their door closed and walked toward his car.

* * *

Chris drove as fast as he could to the nearest deserted street and parked there. His hands were shaking in a combination of fear and anger.

He fought the urge to slam the steering wheel or anything else.

_‘How could she? How could she do that to him? He’d leave the entire world for her in a heartbeat, and she still…’_

Chris knew he wouldn’t get an answer to those questions.

_‘I’ve gotta find him’_ Chris told himself.

He looked at the unfamiliar neighborhood around him and realized that was easier said than done.

 


	15. Chapter 15

The loud beep of his phone’s alarm woke Darren up from a restless sleep.

He glanced at the displayed time on his phone indicating that he needed to get ready for his morning shift at work. He slowly shut the alarm off, and got to his feet, hearing the squeak of the metal frame of his bed. Well, make-shift bed. It also worked as a couch in his small, rented apartment. The entire place was smaller than his room back home, but Darren had grown accustomed to it.

He splashed cold water on his face, even though he’d turned the hot water tap. That meant there was no hot water this morning. Again.

Oh well, the cold shower would wake him up and forget the dream he’d been having. It had been several months, but Darren knew he could live a thousand lives and never forget Chris’ face.

* * *

Job hunting had been the last thing Darren thought he’d have to do when he had first arrived in Fremont all those months ago. He didn’t plan to spend so long in the city anyway but it made Darren realize that things hardly work out the way one would want them to.

After a couple of weeks, he exhausted his cash supply, knowing that his credit card would show his location online. That wasn’t something he wanted. Not too much time later, a local diner had hired him as a busboy.

He helped out loading the delivery truck as well, so he managed to scrape enough together to get by. The apartment was a lucky grab, but only because he’d had enough for a few months rent up front. He didn’t know how long he’d be staying there, but he didn’t think about it too much.

All he knew was that he couldn’t go back.

* * *

He’d tried everything the first week. He apologized to Sam for things he had never done. He made promises which he truly wanted to keep. He called and texted and asked for answers. And he got nothing in return. Just locked doors, ignored phone-calls, and not a single response. She erased him out of her life so easily, and Darren just couldn’t process that.

How was it possible to do that to someone?

And then Darren understood exactly how easy it was.

He did it to the people who loved him more than anything in the world.

* * *

“Darren, I need these dishes clean ASAP,”

“Got it, boss,” Darren said, beginning to load the dishes into the large dishwasher.

“Just wash whatever doesn’t fit in there by hand, alright?”

“Alright,” Darren said, stacking in the utensils in their place.

“And once you’re done I need some of the tables cleaned up,”

“Okay,”

A few minutes later Darren dried his hands on a nearby washcloth and began gathering a plastic box where he’d gather all the dirty dishes from the diner’s tables. He grabbed the disinfectant and cleaning cloth, and headed out of the kitchen to the main part of the diner.

Darren kept his head down, making sure the table was completely abandoned before he began cleaning it. He wiped it clean, double-checking for any hot sauce stains or grains of salt here and there. When he was certain there was nothing left for him to clean, he picked up the container of dishes and headed back to the back of the diner.

Until Darren heard his name being called out by a voice he thought he’d never hear again.

* * *

“Darren?”

“Chris?” Darren said, staring and wondering if this was another one of his weird dreams.

“Hey,” Chris said, with a small smile.

“I-I—,” Darren was about to say something when he was interrupted by a request from another diner. “I’ll just…”

“I understand,” Chris said, sitting down.

Chris patiently waited in his booth until Darren could finish his shift. He ordered his third plate of fries, apparently the best thing on the menu, and took his time eating them.

Chris watched Darren go in and out of the swinging doors of the kitchen, and Chris was pretty sure if he hadn’t seen his face, he wouldn’t have recognized Darren. His body language was completely different. It wasn’t the same vibrant, and energetic man he’d met just a little while back.

Present Darren moved more solemnly as if he’d aged countless years in the span of a few months. He didn’t look anyone in the eye, his gaze consistently cast downward, as if he didn’t dare to look up. While looking down, Darren bumped into a table, and Chris held back the urge to and grab him to make sure he was alright. But Chris knew that was the last thing Darren would want right now.

Chris didn’t even catch him smiling. Not once. In the time that he’d known Darren, it was rare that he wasn’t smiling. The worst part was not hearing his voice. Chris had thought that regardless of where Darren was and what he’d be doing, some form of sound would always be around him. Whether it was Darren talking, singing, humming, or even listening to something. Darren was never silent. This person looked like the shell of the Darren that Chris knew, and it broke Chris’ heart in ways that he could never have imagined.

Pretty soon, Darren came walking towards where Chris was sitting. Chris got up and walked out of the diner with Darren. There was an outdoor table where they both took a seat, as the diner’s lights turned off.

Darren sat opposite Chris, his hands folded on the wooden planks of the table. Again, no eye contact.

“What are you doing here Chris?” Darren began.

“Honestly? I found you here by surprise,” Chris explained.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Chris replied confidently.

In reality, he’d spent a week trying to find Darren’s whereabouts. He’d almost given up until he’d caught a glimpse of him leaving the diner while he was at a red light across the street. Chris had almost stepped out of his car right there. By the time he’d made the U-turn, he’d lost Darren.

When Darren didn’t respond, Chris asked, “How are you?”

Darren looked up at him, and hesitated slightly before responding, “I’m good,”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Darren said.

“And how’s everything else?” Chris pressed on.

“Everything’s fine.”

Chris simply stared at Darren, wondering how much longer Darren could keep up that pretense. Chris didn’t think he could stand another minute of it.

He took a deep breath and said, “That hurts, Darren.”

Darren furrowed his eyebrows, confused by what Chris was saying.

“That really fucking hurts. You couldn’t have picked up  _one_ phone-call. Just told me what happened?”

Darren realized at that moment that Chris  _knew_. He knew everything. He could do nothing else in that moment other than look away and avoid the Chris’ soul-scathing stare.

“Come on,” Chris said, getting up.

“What?”

“Come on. We’re getting out of this place.”

“Chris. I- I don’t think…”

“Yeah. That’s true. You  _didn’t_  think. Now let’s go.” Chris demanded.

Darren stayed seated and didn’t move a muscle.

“Look Darren. This has been a really shitty week, and I’m too exhausted and too pissed off to argue with you,”

“Chris,” Darren said slowly. “You should go. I’m fine here. Really.”

Chris breathed out slowly, trying to control his temper, but to no gain. “You can stick that self-righteousness up your ass, but you’re coming with me right now.”

“Fucking hell, Chris. Why are you doing this?” Darren said, his voice a little strained.

“Not everything in the world needs an explanation,” Chris said, trying to keep his own voice steady. “We need to get you out of here.”

“Why?” Darren said, his tone almost pleading for an answer. “Why can’t you just let it go?”

“Why do you think that I would do that?!” Chris almost screamed back.

“Because I can’t owe you anymore, Chris. I just…I…I’ve already ruined…and I can’t keep  _owing_ you,” Darren trailed off.

But Chris didn’t hear much of what he said after that anyway. He was astounded by what Darren had just said and wished he could knock some sense into that man.

“You owe  _me_?” Chris exclaimed rather angrily. “ _You_. Owe. Me?!”

Darren just glanced at his outburst with confusion.

“If it wasn’t for you I’d be an unclaimed body in another fucking country. I could have been rotting in some ditch if you weren’t there. Do you not get that?” Chris yelled. “The life I’m living right now is my second chance. I—I fucking wrote a new bestseller, I’ve been touring for the past two months, my life has taken this incredible turn. And you think that  _you_ owe me. Goddammit, Darren.” Chris said, clenching his fists and taking a deep breath.

Darren held back tears, blinking furiously and visibly shaken at Chris’ rant.

“Now we’re going to head to my car, and you’re gonna tell me where you’re staying. I’m gonna help you pack, and then we’re out of here.”

Darren had the good sense not to say another word.


	16. Chapter 16

Chris kept instinctively waiting for Darren to say something on the rather time-consuming drive back to where Darren lived. He was afraid to turn on the music in fear that perhaps this would discourage Darren from saying something.

But Darren didn’t say a word.

* * *

Darren hesitantly lead Chris up to his… _place…_ that was the best description for it. More accurately it was a dump disguised as a one-room apartment. It was depressing and Darren was embarrassed but as he unlocked the creaky door he realized there was nothing he could do about it.

Chris tried not to convey any emotions as he and Darren entered his cramped living space. Chris noticed that all of Darren’s clothes were already in the suitcase that was lying open on the floor, in the corner of the room.

“I- I usually just fold them back into the bag when I bring them back from the laundromat,” Darren confessed.

“Well, that’s good. It’ll be easier to pack up. Is there anything else, like in the bathroom?”

“I’ll get it,” Darren said quietly. “I…Where are we gonna go?”

“I’m staying at theBest Western on 11th. We’ll head there once we’re done.” Chris said.

“And then?”

“We’ll figure that out tomorrow. What about this place? How much rent have you paid on it? Do you want to get it back?”

“I pay weekly,” Darren said, heading to the bathroom to get his things. “I can call the landlord tomorrow depending…”

“It won’t depend on anything. I’m here,” Chris said. He noticed Darren’s guitar lying in the corner of the room. The case had gathered dust, and Chris figured it had been untouched for quite a while. Chris took a deep breath, but before he could say anything Darren interrupted him.

“I’ll be right back,” Darren said, stepping into the tiny bathroom and shutting the door behind him.

‘ _It’s fine. Chris isn’t like that…’_ Darren told himself, as he washed his face.

Still, that didn’t stop the anxious thoughts, piling into his brain, one by one.

_‘He doesn’t really want to be here,’_

_‘He just feels bad for you’_

_‘You dragged him into this’_

_‘Stop being a burden on him’_

The excess splashing of cold water didn’t seem to do the trick, and Darren felt like he’d gone past the respectable amount of time Chris would expect him to be in the bathroom.

As Darren walked opened the door, he bumped headfirst into Chris.

“Ow, fuck.”

Chris rubbed his nose, and winced “I just wanted to make sure you were okay,”

“I’m sorry, I was just…thinking.”

Chris scrunched up his nose and smiled, “Yeah, I find the toilet to be the birthplace of most of my creative breakthroughs,”

Darren let out a sound but he stopped himself short and Chris could have sworn it was more of a sob than a laugh, as though Darren was trying hard to conceal how he was really feeling.

“Darren?” he asked quietly.

_‘Great, now on top of everything, you seem ungrateful’_

Darren took a deep breath and insisted, “Everything’s fine,”

Chris eyed him warily as Darren walked past him and dumped the rest of his things into his luggage case.

Once Darren had zipped up his bag, Chris asked “Ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Chris offered to carry his bag for him and headed down to the car.

Once again, Darren was completely silent on their way to the hotel.

* * *

Chris parked the car, and said: “So I’m gonna go to the front desk and get us some rooms, okay?”

“Rooms?”

“Yeah, I don’t want to impose or something,”

“Chris, you don’t have to spend…I…We can share a room, it’s fine.” Darren mumbled.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,”

“Just like old times,” Chris said, with a smile, hoping to see one on Darren’s face too, but without luck.

* * *

“So. I know it’s late, but I ordered some room service. You mind a late-night snack?” Chris said, getting off the phone.

“No thanks. I’m not hungry,” Darren insisted, as he began to put a pillow on the couch.

“What are you doing?” Chris asked.

“I’m just…” Darren said.

“I can arrange my own bed, thank you very much,” Chris said, in a light manner. “You’re taking the bed, mister.”

By now Darren had learned that he wasn’t going to win any argument with Chris. Especially not tonight. “Fine,”

“Good. And you don’t have to eat, but I’d love it if you could sit down and join me?”

After a moment’s hesitation, Darren conceded, “Okay,”

* * *

Chris’ order came a few minutes later. It was an offer that included soft drinks, chips, some candy bars and instant coffee.

“This is probably the first time I’ve seen a hotel offer a midnight snack basket, but I think I like it,” Chris said, twisting open the cap of his Diet Coke.

Darren nodded in agreement, sat down on the couch as Chris lay the contents of the basket on the table in front of him.

After a few moments of silence, Chris said, “Remember the first time we rented that room in Italy. What was that hotel called?  _Amor_?”

Darren closed his eyes as he tried to recall, “Yeah.  _Hotel dell’Amore._ _”_

“That guy at the counter was certain we were there for a hook-up,” Chris confided.

“What?!” Darren said, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah,” Chris said, huffing out a laugh.

“Shit, really?” Darren asked again.

Chris just nodded.

“I was such a fucking moron,” Darren whispered.

“Darren,” Chris began, not intending for the conversation to take such a turn.

“No wonder…” Darren said to himself in a disappointed tone, “I got what I deserved for being such an idiot.”

Chris tried to restrain his anger at that moment. He wished he could take away the pain Darren felt at that moment, and make it disappear forever.

“Darren that’s not true. You. Of course, you didn’t deserve what happ-“ Chris stopped himself before he could reveal what he knew. He obviously wanted to hear it from Darren, who deserved to tell him at his own pace. But it was too late.

“Did you meet her?” Darren asked quietly.

“Yes,” Chris said. He didn’t think he could lie to Darren.

“What did she say,” Darren asked.

“Darren. You need to forget about her. She…She isn’t worth a second of your thoughts, okay? Not a  _single_ fucking thought. You need to just…” Chris paused and then blurted out an idea loud enough to snap Darren out of his current state. “You know what you need to do?”

Darren looked at him with a questioning look his eyes.

“You need to delete every single picture of her,” Chris demanded, remembering what Darren had advised him to do all that time ago when he was suffering in a similar way.

“Chris…” Darren sighed, knowing where this was going.

“Darren…” Chris teased back, in the exact same manner that Darren would have done.

He got up and grabbed Darren’s phone from the table, and handed it to him. He watched carefully as Darren browsed through his phone and selected certain pictures, and made sure they went in the trash.

“Is that all of them?” Chris asked.

“I think so,” Darren said.

“Feel better?” Chris asked.

Darren gave him a hint of a smile, and Chris almost cried tears of joy. He didn’t think he’d see that smile again for a long, long time.

“Want to call her and swear at her?” Chris prompted.

“No. Well, I kind of do, but that’s not very distinguished.” Darren said.

“True, but what matters is if it’ll make you feel better,” Chris said thoughtfully.

“I already do,” Darren confessed. “Chris. I…I need to apologize. I’m sorry…for everything. I wanted to answer those calls, but I just couldn’t…” Darren said, looking away.

“It’s okay,” Chris said softly, trying to get Darren to look directly at him. Chris recalled how hurt he felt at that time. But if he’d known, that Darren was hurting like this, he would have done…something.

Darren hesitated before moving towards Chris and embracing him in a hug. Chris wrapped his arms around Darren, and returned the hug, only to have Darren hold him tighter and sniffle a little. Darren moved his head just enough to have his face in between Chris’ neck and shoulder, his face so close that Chris could feel Darren’s breaths on his neck.

Darren pulled back a little, his arms still around Chris, but just enough that their faces were inches apart from each other. Darren had a glazed look in his eyes, a mixture of tears and something else Chris couldn’t quite identify and for a fraction of a second Chris thought he saw Darren move closer.

Darren suddenly jerked back, his face flushed in embarrassment, knowing he’d spend too much time on that embrace.

“Darren. It’s fine.”

Darren didn’t seem to think so, as he frowned looking away from Chris. Chris tentatively moved closer and patted Darren’s back as an attempt to comfort him.

“Darren. It’s okay,” Chris insisted, hoping his voice didn’t betray how the hug had affected him as well. But this was not the time to let his feelings mess with his thoughts. He was here for Darren. As a support system. As a friend who was supposed to bring him home.

 _‘Oh shit.’_ Chris thought.

He suddenly remembered what would happen once he and Darren would go back to San Francisco. Darren’s parents would welcome him back with open arms, obviously. But they would do so with the mind frame that he and Darren were coming home together.

As a couple.

He thought about telling Darren that but decided against it for now. That was a problem for another day. They could have some time for themselves before reality set in.

“Come on,” Chris said, clearing his throat and grabbing a packet of chips off the table and offering it to Darren. “You pick something,”

Darren smiled as he took a piece, and selected some old comedy film from the eighties. Ten minutes into the lighthearted film, Chris noticed a weight on his side and saw that Darren was fast asleep. Chris didn’t have the heart to move a muscle, so he stayed put, trying not to be lulled to sleep by Darren’s rhythmic breathing.


	17. Chapter 17

They spent the following day walking around the city. Chris thought Darren deserved a day off from… _everything_  and convinced Darren to show him around.

At first, Darren didn’t seem up to it, but Chris wouldn’t hear it. Channeling that same insistence and charm Darren had displayed during their travels in Italy, he convinced Darren to summon up the energy to get out of the room.

They walked to a nearby park and decided to head to the mall for some food in an air-conditioned place. Chris could only stand the outdoors for so long.

Darren had insisted that he wasn’t hungry, but Chris didn’t listen to him. He remembered how he’d go hours and hours time without eating after his own heartbreak, which seemed like it was so long ago it never happened. He did remember that not eating was just a way to deny himself any form of happiness. And Chris was not going to let that happen to Darren, not on his watch.

After much debate, Darren bit into the large sandwich and most of its sauce dripped down his chin. Chris only just managed to stop himself from reaching over and softly pat a napkin on Darren’s face, and instead offered Darren one.

“Thanks,” Darren said, after cleaning up. He paused for a moment before asking: “You published another book?”

“Yup,” Chris nodded.

“What was it about,”

“You could read it yourself, you know. I remember that you promised you would.”

Darren’s eyebrows raised, less in confusion and more in a: ‘ _I can’t believe you remembered that’_ way.

“Fine.” Darren grinned after he got a smile from Chris, “Be that way.”

“I dedicated it to you, though,” Chris mumbled.

“What?” Darren said, his lips parting slightly in shock.

“I…I didn’t know how else I could thank you.” Chris shrugged.

Darren smiled fondly at him and took another bite of his sandwich.

“I have to book a flight out of here soon,” Chris said, changing the topic.

“Back to New York?”

“To San Francisco,” Chris said, giving Darren a pointed look, which he understood immediately. Darren stopped eating and put his sandwich down.

“No. God, no. I don’t think I can go back.” Darren panicked.

Chris didn’t say anything and waited for Darren to talk it out.

“How will I ever face them?”

“Dare. Don’t worry about it,” Chris reassured.

“I…I can’t” Darren breathed out shakily and then asked: ”Are you gonna stay there with me?”

“Do you want me to?” Chris asked.

“Yes.”

“Then I’ll stay,”

* * *

Darren noticed her first. Of course, he’d recognize Sam anywhere, but he honestly thought he was hallucinating at this point. She was at a juice standin the mall’s food court. Chris noticed when Darren froze and followed his gaze towards Sam, who looked right back at him.

“Dare? Do you want to leave?”

Darren just gulped, and then said, “She’s walking towards us…”

Surely enough, Sam approached them. “Hey, Darren. Can we…Can we talk?”

Chris was about to say something when he felt Darren’s arm on his shoulder. “It’s fine.”

“Okay. I’ll be right there,” Chris said, nodding his head to the side as he walked away. He hoped Sam wouldn’t ruin what he’d worked so hard to achieve in the past few days.

* * *

Darren felt like he couldn’t breathe.

He only heard half of what Sam was saying. He heard snippets. Statements like ‘I messed up’, _‘After talking to your friend there, it really opened my eyes’_ and _‘I can’t stop thinking about you’._ She apologized a lot, and Darren just silently listened.

Darren knew he had an opportunity here. He could try and forget how painful these last few months had been. He could open his heart up again and forgive her. But he looked over and saw Chris standing nearby, a concerned look on his face, and Darren knew exactly what to say.

“I can’t.”

“What?” Sam asked.

“I can’t do that. I might be able to forgive you, Sam. But I won’t be able to forget it. I thought that just because two people loved each other, everything would work out. And I still believe that’s true. But it won’t apply to the two of us anymore. If we get back together it’ll just be a one-sided relationship again, but this time on your part. And I don’t want to do that to you. Even after what you did. That’s just not me.”

“So you don’t love me anymore?” Sam inquired.

“I think I fell out of love with you Sam. It was the complete opposite of falling in. It took time and it was shitty and it left a mark, but it was for the best.”

“Are you with him now?” she scoffed, referring to Chris.

“Would that make this easier for you?” Darren asked.

“Are you?” she insisted, ignoring what Darren had just said. Darren realized now that a lot of their conversations were like this.

“Goodbye, Sam,” Darren said, walking away.

* * *

“Are you okay?” Chris asked as they drove out of the mall’s parking lot.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because that seemed like one hell of a confrontation.”

“Really?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look  _that_  hostile,”

“I didn’t think I was being  _too_  mean,” Darren said, trying to recall the conversation.

“It was in your body language. Don’t worry. It was appropriate.” Chris assured. “What did she want?”

“To get back together,” Darren said, matter-of-factly.

Chris almost slammed the brakes, and just whispered “ _Wow_ ,”

“Yeah,”

Truthfully, Darren was thankful for the coincidental meeting. It made him realize two things, one: that he needed closure. He needed to be done with that chapter of his life, and he was glad he got the final say.

And the second thing that Darren discovered was how he felt about Chris. He’d always known, deep down, that he felt something for Chris, but having Sam right there in front of him he became aware of how he only cared about having Chris around him.

Chris was there for him in the same way he wanted to be there for Chris.

He still was unsure if Chris had only said that he liked him to make him feel better at the time. As far as Darren knew, Chris was returning a favor, feeling like he owed him, and Darren didn’t want to misinterpret that.

* * *

As they headed back to the hotel, Chris said, “There’s something I have to tell you.”

“Yeah?”

“Your parents. They’re the ones who told me to find you.”

“What?!” Darren said, astounded.

“They found me, and they thought you’d run off with me,” Chris explained. “Like, to be  _with_ me _…”_

“I? What?!,” Darren exclaimed, but then took the information in and realized, “I can see why it looked that way.”

“Yeah…” Chris said.

“That’s why you’re here,” Darren added.

“No. I’m here because I wanted to be. Your parents just really love you and wanted you back home,”

“You didn’t tell them that we weren’t…?”

“I didn’t have the heart to,” Chris explained, “And I couldn’t tell them the truth either, so…”

“You’re here to take me home?” Darren completed.

“Yes.”

Darren thought about that for a moment and then said, “I need to tell the landlord and my boss at the diner…”

“We’ll figure it out, Dare…”

“Okay,”

“And then I’ll get the earliest flight out of here, ASAP,” Chris said.

* * *

They were in the hotel room packing their things for the flight the next day when Darren said, “I’m sorry that my parents just sprung up on you like that…”

“They were worried, Dare…and they didn’t know what else they could do,”

“Crashing your book tour though. At least I know where I get my dramatic flair from.”

Chris laughed, “And the entire epic story they have in their head, me whisking you off so we could run away and be together.”

Darren laughed, but a question on his mind was; “ _Would you have done that, if…things were different?_ ”

He wished he had the nerve to ask Chris this. Knowing that not just anyone pauses their entire life to help another person out. Darren wasn’t stupid, but he wanted to hear it from Chris. But it wasn’t the time. He couldn’t put Chris on the spot like that. Nor could he face the possibility of Chris giving him the answer that would break him completely.

But Chris busied himself thinking how much he would have loved for Darren’s parents to be right.

* * *

They boarded the short flight to Darren’s hometown the following afternoon, and as they settled into their seats on the plane Darren reached into his hand-carry and pulled out a familiar book.

“When did you get that,” Chris smiled, seeing his own book in Darren’s hands.

“It was in the airport bookstore. I just, I wanted to read it.”

“You could have just asked me, you know,” Chris said.

“You carry around copies of your book everywhere?” Darren smirked.

“What? No. I meant, you didn’t have to buy it. I have countless copies lying around.”

“I wanted to buy it. I made a promise, didn’t I?”

“Fine," Chris relented, settling comfortably in his seat and closing his eyes. "Let me know what you think when I wake up, okay? I’m gonna take a nap,” 

* * *

A few pages into the book, Darren was already shaking a little. Chris had written about  _him_.

Well, not explicitly and only about Darren, but there were references that were impossible to miss. There was a character that matched his own description, down to the twitch Darren had when he was nervous. There was a scene where two characters shared a heartfelt conversation near a body of water.

Chapter after chapter Darren recognized moments he’d shared with Chris, and then there came a part of the story where it stopped making sense. Well, the plot followed through, but Darren had become so invested in it through a certain lens, he was a little disoriented. Darren stopped reading and felt selfish that he’d taken something Chris had worked so hard on and made it about himself. Surely Chris didn’t mean it like that. But some hopeful voice in his head thought, ‘ _what if he did?_ ’.

* * *

“Chris,” Darren said, softly shaking the other man awake. “We’re about to land,”

“Hmm?” Chris murmured, lifting his head from Darren’s shoulder, where it had been resting for the past three hours. “Sorry…I didn’t drool on you did I?”

“Only a little,” Darren joked, “but I hardly noticed, to be honest,” he said, lifting up Chris’ book.

“Did you like it?”

“I’m not finished,” Darren said, “but yeah. I…I love it. I couldn’t have imagined you were  _this_ good. Seriously Chris. You’re incredible.”

“Thanks,” Chris smiled a little sleepily.

“I couldn’t help but recognize some parts of the book, like I’d lived them,” Darren tested out, bravely.

“That could be because you did. I told you, Darren. This book, it was my way of saying thank you. Of course, you’re in it. While I was writing it I was thinking of you. In every word of every page,” Chris emphasized.

Darren was about to say something when a flight attendant interrupted their conversation and reminded them to fasten their seatbelts.

“I texted Chuck before we boarded,” Chris said. “He’ll be there to pick us up.”

“You’ve been talking to Chuck,”

“Recently. He told me to tell you that he’s gonna kick your ass as soon as we land,”

Darren laughed, “I wouldn’t expect anything else,”


	18. Chapter 18

As soon as they checked out their bags, they saw Chuck in the crowd, waving his arms to catch their attention.

Chuck did not, in fact, kick Darren’s ass as promised.

Instead, he grabbed his little brother in a fierce hug and said, “Don’t you ever do anything like that again, you fucking moron.”

“I won’t,” Darren mumbled, patting Chuck on the back.

“Hey, Chuck.” Chris waved.

“Chris.” Chuck smiled, “Thank you so much for getting him back here.”

“It was nothing,” Chris replied and gestured to the airport’s exit. “Shall we?”

“Yeah,” Darren agreed. “Let’s go,”

“I didn’t tell Mom and Dad,” Chuck said, as he walked them towards his car. “I knew they’d insist on coming along, and would probably have made a scene at the airport,”

“Good idea,” Darren agreed.

“I’m sure it’ll be a nice surprise for them,” Chris said, knowing it was a little unfair to Cerina and Bill, who had already waited so patiently for their son’s return.

* * *

“Mom. Dad.” Chuck called out as he entered the front door. “I’m here. And I bought some guests with me,”

“I’m in the kitchen,” Cerina called out.

Darren nervously put his bag down and rubbed his neck. Chris walked up next to him and whispered, “Go on. She missed you so much,”

Darren carefully walked into the kitchen and said, “Mom?”

Cerina turned around and ran the length of the kitchen to embrace her son. Chris could hear her initial cry of surprise, then some sniffling, followed by occasional admonishments in English and Tagalog.

“I’m sorry, mom. I was, I was just scared to come back home.” Darren confessed.

“Did we ever make you think that we would stop loving you?” Cerina asked seriously, cradling his face in her hands.

“No,” Darren admitted, shaking his head.

“Don’t ever do something that stupid ever again,” she said with a glare that Darren could only nod silently in response to.

Cerina noticed Chris and Chuck in the hallway and beckoned Chris to come closer.

“Thank you,” she said, hugging him fiercely. “Thank you for bringing my baby boy home.”

“Cerina, you don’t have to…” Chris started saying, but she was already scolding Chuck for keeping this from her.

“And what gave you the right to hide this from me?” she exclaimed, hugging Darren again.

“I thought it would be a nice surprise.”

“Oh, you just wait till your father gets back home,” she said, and then as if she just remembered, “Nevermind, get my phone. I have to call your father,”

Chuck immediately obeyed, taking the opportunity to avoid more of her wrath.

* * *

Darren’s reunion with his father was a less dramatic affair. Bill Criss simply came back home, called out Darren’s name, just to be sure, and gave his younger son a firm hug.

Later he thanked Chris, in a similar way that his wife had, shaking his hand and mentioning how he was basically part of the family, and he should never shy away from asking anything of them.

Chris politely smiled, wondering if (or when) Darren would tell them the truth. So far, it didn’t seem like Darren had. Chris knew that was because his family had more pressing matters to deal with.

They would eventually find out when Chris would leave, wouldn’t they?

Back to New York alone, to an empty apartment and his work. Chris wasn’t unhappy with it. He couldn’t remember the last time New York had felt so appealing to him. But Chris wasn’t going to lie.

It had felt like something was missing.

From the moment since he’d left Darren at Sam’s doorstep and landed in New York, Chris couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing something. Accompanying that inexplicable anxiety, he also couldn’t name what it was that was unaccounted for.

It wasn’t until Chris laid eyes on Darren once again in that diner, that Chris figured out exactly what it was.

He knew he didn’t want to go back alone this time. But it didn’t matter what  _he_  wanted, the only person’s decision Chris cared about was Darren’s.

* * *

Cerina sent them up to Darren’s room so they could freshen up before dinner.

After they got past the flight of stairs Chris remembered why he wasn’t staying in the guest bedroom this time.

“Oh, your parents…they don’t mind?” Chris said, referencing to the fact that they were both occupying one room.

“No. They’re probably trying to seem supportive,” Darren shrugged, closing his bedroom door.

“Well, that’s sweet of them,” Chris said, “I’ll take the floor tonight?”

“Okay,” Darren said, sitting down on his bed, and looking at his room.

“Everything alright?” Chris asked.

“Yeah,” Darren sighed. “Thanks for bringing me back here, Chris.”

* * *

“Chris, honey, would you pass me the bread basket?” Cerina requested.

“Of course,” Chris replied, passing the wicker basket to Darren’s mother.

“So where are you guys staying in New York?” Bill asked.

Darren nearly coughed up his own food, unsure how to answer that. He should have expected these questions from his parents, but he realized how unprepared he and Chris were to answer them.

“An apartment on Lawrence, but I think a move might be necessary,” Chris said, carefully choosing his words.

“To San Francisco?” Cerina asked, hopefully.

“I don’t know, Mom,” Darren said quietly.

“We’ll have to see where the future takes us,” Chris said, earning a smile from Darren.

“Fair enough,” Bill said as though he was trying not to upset anyone, “Just know that you both always have a home here,”

* * *

Darren offered to help his mother in the kitchen after clearing the table. Chris had an important phone-call to make to his agent and excused himself to their room.

“Mom, we have to talk,” Darren said. He thought it was about time that his parents knew the truth.

He didn’t want to make Chris any more uncomfortable than he probably was.

“Of course we do, sweetheart,” Cerina said, handing Darren some of the utensils that Darren began to load into the dishwasher. “It’s been so long, but all I need to know is; are you happy?”

“I am now, mom.” Darren insisted.

“Does Chris treat you well?” Cerina asked with concern.

Darren paused what he was doing and looked at his mom.

“What is it dear? He doesn’t?” Cerina asked quietly.

“Mom, he…cares for me in a way I don’t think anyone ever has,” Darren said with total conviction.

Cerina took a deep breath and gave Darren a wide smile. “He really loves you,” she said to her son.

When Darren didn’t reply to her, she asked cautiously, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Mom.”

“Nonsense. I know when something’s wrong,”

“I’m just. I’m sorry I hurt you,” Darren said, “I don’t understand how you can just let this go,”

Cerina took a deep breath and asked her son to take a seat, “Let me tell you a story that my mother told me when I was very young,”

Darren obeyed, settling down and recalled all the times his mother would stay at his bedside, telling beautiful stories she heard growing up.

“There was once a young man. And this young man had a beloved. This boy loved so fiercely that nothing else made sense to him. One day, his beloved said to him, “If you truly love me, you’ll bring me your mother’s heart,”

“What?!” Darren said, confused and honestly shocked at how gruesome it already was.

“It’s like a fairy tale, not real…” Cerina said, trying to recall the details of the story.

“So, this young boy did that. He took the heart out of his mother and took it to his beloved. But on his way there, he fell down, and he dropped his mother’s heart on the floor. And then a sound came out of the heart; it was the mother’s voice that said: “Are you hurt, my son?”

Darren sat in silence as his mother smiled at him. 

“Do you understand now?” 

Darren took a shaky breath and hugged his mother tight.


	19. Chapter 19

“Chris?” Darren said, carefully knocking on his bedroom door.

“Yeah, just setting up my bed,” Chris said, laying some sheets on the floor, already in his pajamas.

They had a British flag on them, and Darren couldn’t help but notice how absolutely adorable Chris looked. To distract himself, Darren took one side of the quilt and helped Chris lay it on the ground.

When they were done he sat down on the pile of sheets and waited until Chris sat across from him.

“What happened? Did you tell them?” Chris whispered.

“No,” Darren answered, shaking his head.

“Why not?”

“I- I don’t know. My brain’s been a little fogged up these last few days. I could have told them the truth. I had a lot of opportunities, but…I just couldn’t.”

“Are you worried how they’ll react?” Chris asked, “I mean, after everything that’s already happened?”

“Yes. Just another lie. I don’t think I want to do that to them. Or you,” Darren frowned, “I’m sorry for the mess I’ve put you in.”

“Would you believe me if I said there’s nowhere else I’d rather be?” Chris said, hoping that would get rid of the troubled look off of Darren’s face.

Darren still wore that same look, albeit one that reflected more of confusion than anything else.

So Chris crawled towards Darren across his make-shift bed and tried again, “You know that doesn’t really suit you one bit,”

“What?”

“All that worry. You need to get rid of that look immediately and try out something else,” he said, lightly touching the frown lines on Darren’s forehead.

Darren smiled at Chris’ attempt to make him feel better, “How’s this?”

Chris’ fingers were still on Darren’s forehead so he could feel the tension melt away. Instead, he noticed the small crinkles by his eyes, and then said declared “Much better,”

“So what was that call about?” Darren inquired about the phone-call Chris had received after dinner.

“My agent just needed an update. She gets worried when I stay out of touch for too long.”

“Oh. Do you have to be back in New York?” Darren asked carefully.

“I’m where I need to be,” Chris affirmed. “Of course, I have to go back eventually, but I’m in no rush.”

Darren blushed and glanced towards the bed.

“Right.” Darren nodded, “I’ll let you get to sleep.”

He got up, and went to the bathroom and changed into some nightwear and got ready. His phone lit the way into his dark room, careful to avoid stepping on Chris and made his way towards his bed.

* * *

Darren lay wide awake in the middle of the night, unable to fall asleep. He could hear Chris’ soft snores coming from the foot of his bed.

He tried to listen to some calming music to help him fall asleep, without avail. Nothing could help him out. He browsed countless boring websites, cat videos and old infomercials to pass the time. He recalled how he’d gotten used to the firm pull-out bed in his tiny abode. How the first couple of weeks his pillow was always damp with his tears. The smell of moth balls and bleach that would seep from the walls.

The dichotomy of his current situation from the past months was probably what was keeping his brain on edge.

Suddenly he got a crazy idea and willed himself to get it out of his mind. Before he knew it, he’d dragged his pillow and comforter off of the side of his bed, and cautiously tiptoed towards the side of his room.

He set his pillow down softly, not to wake Chris up, and laid down on his back. He was close enough to feel the body heat radiating from Chris, and soon enough Darren’s own breathing matched Chris’ as he fell asleep.

* * *

Chris woke up the next morning, with the sudden feeling that his make-shift bed was decidedly more crowded than it was the previous night.

He turned over to see Darren lying asleep next to him, softly snoring with one hand underneath his head. Up close he noticed the dark circles underneath Darren’s eyes, an indicator of how sleepless his nights had most likely been. Chris was a little shocked, but happy to believe that his presence may have helped Darren, even a little bit.

Chris slowly got up, being overly cautious not to stir Darren awake. He silently made his way to the bathroom, where he noticed his toothbrush was moved to the holder next to Darren’s, instead of where he’d left it, on the counter. A wave of domesticity suddenly hit Chris;  _their_ toothbrushes, in  _their_ bathroom, adjacent to  _their_ bedroomin the house they lived in _together._

Chris shook himself out of that mini-fantasy and made his way out of the bedroom, making sure Darren was still asleep.

* * *

“Mornin’,” Chuck said, raising a cup of coffee up at Chris as a form of greeting.

“Hey Chuck,” Chris said, sitting down on the stools set near the kitchen island.

“Want some breakfast?”

“It’s fine, I’m good with some orange juice,”

“In the fridge,” Chuck said, pointing to Chris’ right.

Chuck took out a glass for Chris to pour his orange juice into, and then asked: ”You guys sleep alright?”

“Yeah?” Chris said, trying to figure out why Chuck asked that.

“Sorry. I know that sounds weird. I…Don’t take this the wrong way Chris, I just need to know…Is Darren okay? Like, is everything okay between you guys? He’s obviously crazy about you. Everyone could see that from the day he brought you home after your trip. But he seems a little different, and I can’t figure it out but I just want to know if I should be worried.”

“I…Chuck, I think Darren’s the one you should talk to…”

“I just want to make sure he’s fine.” Chuck breathed out slowly, “You seem like a nice guy, Chris, but my brother comes first.”

“O-Of course,” Chris stuttered, a little worried about what Chuck was getting at.

Before Chuck could say anything else, however, Darren’s sleepy voice piped up from behind Chris.

“Leave him alone, Chuck,” Darren said, in a tired tone. Darren gave Chris a small smile, and Chris tried to restrain himself from reaching out and pulling him as close as possible. Of course, they could get away with it seeing as everyone believed them to be together.

“I was just making sure,” Chuck said, raising his hands in a protective manner.

“Of?” Darren said, glaring slightly at his older brother.

“Come on, dude. You can’t deny that you’ve changed. I mean, I can be a little dense sometimes, but really…you’re not fooling anyone. Mom and Dad are keeping quiet for your sake, but we just need to make sure you’re okay,”

“I wasn’t…” Darren said, choking up a little, but then his voice was stable. “I wasn’t okay.”

 _‘Here it goes. Darren’s going to tell him the truth and that’ll be the end of it.’_ Chris thought.

“After I left…I was confused, for a really long time. I missed home, obviously. And I didn’t feel right lying to all of you guys…”

Chuck glanced over at Chris, just to see his reaction to Darren’s words. Chris tried his best to keep a straight face, letting this moment belong to Darren alone.

“Chris is the only one who helped me through that. Yeah, things were really shitty for a while, but that’s only because of what I led myself into. I feel guilty knowing he’s  _still_  putting up with my shit, but he was there for me. He just…You know me, Chuck. For the longest time, I thought nothing could get me down, you know? I thought was in control of my own destiny and I could control my happiness.”

Darren took a deep breath and continued.

“I was a dumbass for thinking that was true. But when it came crashing down, I was sure nothing or no-one could ever get me  _out_  of that. But Chris did. So I can’t have you say shit like that to him, Chuck. You know I love you, but…I…” Darren stopped himself just in time.

“Love him more…” Chuck said, not even noting Darren’s hesitation. “Okay. Okay, I get it. I’ll quit hazing him. I was just fulfilling that ‘ _protective older brother_ ’ role.”

Chris didn’t realize he’d been holding in a breath the entire time that entire exchange between Darren and his brother. He got back to his senses as Darren nonchalantly handed him a glass of orange juice.

As if he had no idea of the effects those words had on Chris


	20. Chapter 20

After breakfast, Chuck offered to help them clean up, but Darren reminded him that he had to go pick up Cerina and Bill from a business brunch.

Chris grabbed a dishtowel, drying the few plates and glasses Darren handed him, doing their work in silence. Chris wasn’t sure if Darren had meant what he’d said to Chuck, but it felt incredible regardless. He knew he couldn’t pressure Darren to do or say anything, but he wanted to stay long enough to stay there by Darren’s side when he did tell them the truth.

Lost in his thoughts, Chris held his hand out absently, waiting for Darren to hand him the next dish. Instead, he felt Darren’s hand on his own, clasping it tightly. He looked up at Darren, wondering what the  _hell_  was going on.

Darren had been acting a little strange around him the past few days. Considering everything that had happened between them, Chris could completely understand what could have caused Darren to behave weirdly, but it was different. Almost as if Darren was building up the courage to say something, but wasn’t quite there.

Chris was hoping he’d find out now.

Darren looked at him with pleading eyes, and said, “I have to ask you something,”

“Okay,” Chris said quietly, as Darren lead him to the living room and sat on the couch, not letting go of Chris’ hand the entire time.

“I…I just needed to ask you why…why you came? I want to know if it was because you felt obligated to, or if it was because of something  _else_ …”

“You want the truth,” Chris said, clasping Darren’s other hand in his own, and looking him in the eye.

“Please,”

“It’s actually hard to think of one on the spot,” Chris said with a smile, “but I’ll try.”

Darren grasped his hand steadily, remaining silent as he let Chris gather his thoughts.

“Have you ever heard the statement that ‘ _you can’t love someone until you learn to love yourself’?_ ” Chris asked.

When Darren nodded, Chris continued. “That may be true for a lot of people, but I don’t think it applies to me. I think…I needed to learn how to love someone else selflessly. To think about someone else without a shred of pride. To care for them without like it’s second nature.”

Chris let out a shaky breath, trying to keep his emotions under control.

“And I did that. I got to do that thanks to you.  _Of_   _course_ , I owe you, Darren. I can’t ever repay you, but I’m trying in every way I can.”

Darren took a deep breath, and let out an emotional huff, somewhat between a sob and a chuckle.

“I love you too,” Darren whispered.

Chris thought his heart froze. When he gained some air back into his lungs and brain he remembered he had to reply back.

“Too? Now when did I say that I…” Chris teased, smiling at Darren.

At that moment, Darren slowly moved forward, softly kissing Chris’ lips. Chris gasped but quickly recovered, kissing Darren back. Darren let go of their joined hands, and Chris felt them delicately hold either side of his face, almost as though he was making sure that this was real, that Chris wanted this.

Chris pulled him closer to ensure Darren just how badly he neededthis. Because kissing Darren was like he finally found what he’d been running after.

* * *

When they broke apart, Chris tried his best not to stare at how red Darren’s lips were. He didn’t remember kissing Darren that intensely, but Darren didn’t look like he minded.

Chris took a deep breath, sliding his hands up and down Darren’s back, trying to reassure him that he’d done the right thing.

Darren gave him a smile in return, his eyes gleaming with joy and tears that were threatening to spill. Chris put his hands on Darren’s cheeks and pulled his head towards his own, resting their foreheads together.

“I love you,” Chris whispered in clarification.

_Just in case._

* * *

“Hello!” Cerina greeted, as she entered her home with a few plastic bags. The smell of food filled the air, and Darren asked with a surprised tone, “Takeaway, Mom?”

“Shhh!” Darren’s mother admonished, “I didn’t have time to make dinner tonight, and I knew you boys would get hungry. And  _this_  was your father’s idea.”

“Okay, okay Mom. Don’t get all worked up. I still love you,” Darren joked, as he took the bags from his mother’s hands and went into the kitchen.

Cerina’s smile lit up the room, as she witnessed the notable change in Darren’s demeanor. Her eyes caught Chris’ for a moment, where her expression conveyed a hundred different emotions, but Chris knew she was simply happy to have her son back.

* * *

After dinner, Cerina insisted that she and Bill would take care of the dishes, so that gave Chris an opportunity to ask Darren an important question that had been on his mind.

“Where is your laundry room?”

“Huh?”

“I’m running out of clean clothes,” Chris whispered. “It doesn’t feel right just walking around and stuffing my clothes into the first washing machine that comes into my sight.”

Darren laughed at Chris’ adorable awkwardness. “I’ll show it to you first thing in the morning.”

“Thank you. Do you have anything else planned for the night?”

“I don’t know. Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Perfect for a first date,”

“A date?” Darren asked.

“I was kidding. I mean, I…”

“I should take you out,” Darren said, mostly to himself as he took a seat on the edge of his bed.

“Huh?” Chris asked.

“I…I want to take you out on a date. Like a proper date.”

“As opposed to an  _improper_ date?” Chris smirked.

“Oh. Ha ha, ” Darren laughed, but then confidently said, “We’ll get to that later,” Chris felt his heart skip a beat when he heard that. It was the first time he got a glimpse of the bright-eyed confident man he’d met all that time ago.

“Okay,”

“Where do you want to go?” Darren asked.

“Wherever you plan to be,”

“Really?” Chris noticed Darren’s cheeks turn a light shade of red as he said that, and it gave him a little boost of confidence, knowing he could have that effect on Darren.

He walked slowly towards Darren and bent down just enough to give him a small kiss on his mouth and whispered back, “Really,”

After brushing his teeth, he noticed Darren had folded up the extra cushions and blanket at the edge of the room, and moved to allow space for him on the bed.

“How’d you know I like to sleep on the left?”

“I didn’t. I’ve just always slept on the right.”

* * *

“Am I keeping you from work?” Darren asked nervously, as he re-heated the previous night’s leftovers in the microwave for himself and Chris.

“Hmm?” Chris asked, looking up from his phone.

“You have to go back to work, don’t you?”

Chris smiled at Darren and said, “You do know that I’m an author, right?”

“Yeah?”

“One of the perks of the job is that my schedule is really flexible when I’m not on tour.”

“Oh, yeah…” Darren said, taking the plates out of the cabinet in which his mom had always kept them. Darren paused a moment before quietly saying, “But you’re going to have to head back sometime.”

“Darren? What’s wrong?” Chris asked, noticing Darren’s tone.

“Would you hate me if I didn’t love New York? My parents probably think we live together, and I’m just…What if I can’t?” Darren confessed.

“Did you think you’d have to?” Chris asked.

“I…I don’t know.” Darren sighed, sitting down on the kitchen table across from Chris. He looked around to make sure his parents weren’t within earshot, “I just ran away, from home, from my parents, who have never done anything to make me feel unloved or unwanted. I…I still can’t believe I did that to them,”

“Darren…” Chris began, already feeling a stab in his heart, hearing Darren’s tone.

“No,” Darren said, gesturing Chris to wait, “And what I did to  _you_  was even worse. It wasn’t alright, not in any way. You didn’t do anything wrong, and I cut you off. I still can’t believe that you’re still here. But that’s what I’m struggling with…” Darren trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words.

“You think staying here will make it up to your parents. And on the other hand, you want to come back to New York, for me.” Chris figured. Darren nodded, confirming Chris’ speculation.

“Darren, I’m not going to disagree with that logic. Your parents love you. And I…I’m always happier when you’re around, wherever that is. But you need to put yourself first. If you’re happy, then so am I. Okay?”

“Okay,” Darren nodded.

“And we don’t have to be in New York to do that,”

“But…your job.”

“If you recall,” Chris smiled. “I. Am. An. Author.”

Darren’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Chris, I can’t ask you to…”

“You’re not asking me to do anything,” Chris insisted. “The only reason New York…I…This is gonna sound so embarrassing…”

He slowed down before stopping completely, afraid to continue, but Darren sat down and intertwined his hands with Chris’.

“You can tell me,”

Chris thought back to those months after he’d come back to New York. For the longest time, he felt as though he’d come back to a life of emptiness. But he’d changed. It was not that he had  _been_  changed. No, he just needed a little bit of help to find what he’d suppressed for so long, and there was only one person who brought that out in him again. Darren.

“I imagined you there with me. Every morning, waking up. I thought about how incredible it would have been to have you there with me. New York felt like a home, only because of that. I know how weird that sounds, you weren’t even interested in me…” Chris said, with a nervous laugh.

“That’s not true,” Darren replied with a smile.

“Come on…”

“I swear. I mean, I didn’t make a move, for a couple of reasons. One: because I was a fucking moron. But mainly; I thought that you hated me.” Darren confessed.

“What?!” Chris exclaimed.

“I thought you were just dealing with me, or you felt bad for me.”

“Now  _that’s_  what isn’t true,” Chris assured.

“Hey! It’s just what I thought, but I…if it was anyone else I would have just went on my way. But I couldn’t seem to let you go. Not even when we got back here after Italy,”

“Neither could I,” Chris admitted.

“I’m glad you didn’t.”


	21. Chapter 21

A week passed, most mornings included Darren sleeping in late.

Cerina and Bill were both worried, often leaving an anxious Chris to convince them that Darren was just adjusting to the time difference across the coast. When they asked how Chris was handling it so well, he almost stumbled, but then quickly explained how he’d been traveling for the tour, and had gotten used to it.

* * *

“So, Chris. Tell us more about your parents. Last time you were here,  _and in such a rush to leave_ , we didn’t get a chance to discuss that.” Bill began the dinner conversation one evening.

Cerina gave her husband a warning look, but it was too late.

Chris paused, setting his fork into his plate. “I…Well it’s a fun story, I hadn’t spoken to them in a while. But I recently got back in touch with them. We, weren’t exactly ready to meet, since we’ve all got things we need to solve, but I’m hopeful it’ll work out.

“Oh, wow,”

“It’s fine. Darren had a big hand in convincing me to do it,” Chris explained.

“Really?” Cerina asked, looking over her son with confusion, wondering how he could have given Chris that advice; yet ignore it himself during the time he was away.

Chris noticed Cerina’s expression, and assessed the situation as quickly as he could, “I think we both were in the same boat there for a while, and sometimes it’s easier to give advice to others than it is to ourselves,” Chris said slowly. “We helped each other out when each of us needed it most,”

Darren nodded in agreement, and that seemed to satisfy everyone for a while.

“Everyone needs someone like that, always there for them,” Darren’s father said, rather solemnly, “I’m glad you found him,” speaking to both Chris and Darren.

* * *

“Are you sure?” Cerina had asked worriedly, cautiously hoping this was not going to be just like the last time he left.

“I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life, Mom. I know where I need to be, and that’s with Chris.” Darren had replied softly, comforting her.

Their flight would depart the following afternoon, all the way to New York. Darren had only been there once when he was around eight years of age, and he was excited to spend time there with Chris to show him around.

He wasn’t exactly sure what he’d do once they got there. He could stay on his own for a while, trying to establish some normalcy of “ _boyfriend-ness_ ” into their relationship. He didn’t know what was the right thing to do in this situation.

“Get out of your head…” Chris said, bumping shoulders with him, as he folded the last of his shirts into his bag.

“Do you know what we’re going to do once we get to New York?”

“What do you mean? Like immediately? Sleep may be first on the list because that’s what I always do after a flight.”

“No. I mean generally. I don’t know the rules that apply to our specific situation. For example, I’m still trying to figure out where I should stay…”

“Rules? I don’t think there are any?” Chris phrased more as a question. “I have my place, and no, it’s not the roomiest apartment, and if you’d rather stay at a hotel or something, that’s perfectly fine too. I just want you to be comfortable…”

“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable,”

“And why would I feel like that?”

“I just…” Darren said, looking as though he was trying really hard to figure out an excuse.

“You don’t want to feel like you  _owe_  me anything,” Chris realized.

Darren cast his head downward, affirming Chris’ belief. Chris got up and walked towards Darren, and softly held his face, urging him to meet his eyes. When he did, Chris couldn’t help himself, he delicately brought him closer to give him a kiss.

Darren seemed to melt into it, relaxing to Chris’ touch. It physically pained Chris when they broke apart, but seeing Darren’s smile made it worth it.

“If you ever think something stupid like that again, just let me know, so I can kiss some sense back into you,” Chris stated.

“Okay,”

“So?” Chris asked once again to make sure he and Darren were on the same page.

“Yes,”

“Yes?”

“Yes,” Darren repeated.

* * *

“I want you to call every week, okay?” Cerina said, squeezing Darren in a tight hug once again.

“Okay,” Darren promised, as he slung his hand carry on his shoulder and double-checked his flight’s boarding pass. Chris reminded him that they had to hurry over to check-in.

“Take care of each other,” Darren’s mother advised to the two of them. “And come home, any time you feel like it. You too, Chris. Anytime this boy drives you a little crazy you just come back here,?”

“I may take you up on that offer,” Chris winked and then clasped Darren’s hand as they made their way towards their flight.

* * *

Almost four hours later, Chris woke up to a jolt on the plane.

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty,” Darren said, smiling at him.

Chris had not only fallen asleep on Darren’s shoulder but apparently soiled it with some drool. Not his proudest moment, but he was exhausted. The course of tumultuous events within the past few weeks, not to mention his book tour had finally taken its toll. All it took was the comforting notion that soon it would just be him and Darren.

“I’ve always thought of myself as Goldilocks,” Chris yawned.

“Really?”

“Well, my own badass ninja version of her,”

“Nice,” Darren smiled, in agreement. “I feel like I’d be Ariel.”

“Hm, yeah. Yeah! Prince Eric on the outside, but at heart, you’re definitely Ariel,” Chris giggled.

“I suppose that’s funny to you,” Darren asked, raising his eyebrows. 

“Hilarious,”

“I should have you know that this is one of the strangest yet most interesting conversations I’ve ever had,” Darren said, and then specified,“ _sober_ ,”

“Well, you better get used to them,”

“Oh, I don’t know how I went this long without them,” Darren stated.

* * *

“So this is your place?” Darren said, making sure to wipe his shoes on the doormat at the entrance. “It’s nice,”

“Yeah,” Chris said, taking in the familiar scent of his house, as he put his bags down and locked the door behind him.

“It’s really nice,” Darren said, glancing around.

“Hmm,” Chris agreed, but wanting to make sure Darren knew he had the freedom to keep talking without Chris interrupting or changing the topic.

“So how long have you had it?” Darren asked awkwardly.

Chris was a little confused by the question until he recalled how he had told Darren about his he and his ex living together.

“I moved into this new place when I came back after Italy,” Chris said, immediately noticing the change in Darren’s expression.

“Oh! Oh, that’s…nice.”

“ _Nice_ ,” Chris repeated with a teasing tone.

“What?” Darren asked, with a slight grin.

“You were jealous, right then, weren’t you?”

“I was not,” Darren said, trying to feign shock at the accusation.

“Mhm. Yes, you were,” Chris said in a sing-song voice.

“Okay? Let’s say, I was  _hypothetically_  jealous? What would you do then?”

“Hmmm. I could take advantage of this being the first time we’ve been alone since you declared your undying love for me?” Chris shrugged, as he slowly walked towards Darren.

Darren grinned and said, “Anyone ever tell you that you are terrible at dragging out the whole teasing thing?”

Chris laughed and confessed, “I’m a little impatient, so maybe…”

“Maybe?”

“Maybe you should kiss me?”

“I should definitely kiss you,” Darren said. 

And just for a moment, with Chris’ arms around his waist, Darren let go of all the worries that plagued his thoughts until it was just the two of them, and no one else.

* * *

Darren tossed and turned in an unfamiliar place. He noticed Chris had gone right to sleep, and Darren immediately felt guilty for keeping Chris away from his comfort zone for so long. Chris had his arm casually wrapped around his waist and it took an expert level of wiggling for Darren to get out of that position without waking Chris up.

He decided to take another tour of the apartment. Chris had shown him around when they’d arrived, but Darren always needed to explore some things himself. To get a feel for them. Especially if he decided to stay here with Chris.

He immediately noted the cool hardwood beneath his feet as he exited the bedroom he and Chris had retired to for the night. It was by no means a fancy house, but it was much bigger than the place Darren had been living in for the past few months.

He’d missed a lot during that time, but nobody more than Chris. Missing him was a pain unlike any he’d felt in his entire life and Darren cursed himself every day for letting that time go to waste. For letting the thoughts that convinced him Chris had forgotten about him plague his mind.

He was doing it again, getting caught up in his brain’s bullshit. 

Chris was a reminder of how he needed to expel those negative thoughts out of his brain. Ones that made him feel like he wasn’t good enough. The pain he’d caused his friends, his family, Chris…

_‘Air. I need some air.’_

Darren rushed towards the balcony at the edge of the living room, and pulled the sliding glass door aside, stepping out into the cool night air of the city. He took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down.

He wished he could make the transition easy. For himself, and especially for Chris.

He would do anything for that man.

He wondered if Chris would think he was worth the time or effort. A variety of anxious feelings shuddered through him as he felt himself spiraling down a familiar train of thought. The weight of an anchor seemed to pull him down and Darren held his head in his own hands, willing the thoughts to leave his mind.

Darren almost jumped as he felt two arms wrap around his waist and a chin rested on his shoulder.

_‘Chris’_

“Hi,” Chris said.

“Sorry for waking you up,”

“I don’t mind,” Chris said, holding Darren tight.

He didn’t ask Darren for an explanation for why he left the bed and was out on the balcony at three o’ clock in the morning. Darren didn’t think he’d do a very good job of explaining himself anyway. But as a few minutes passed and Chris kept holding him close, Darren came to a stunning realization. Chris had come looking for him. Whether he was in another state or just a few yards from his bed, Chris would be there.

He turned around and enveloped Chris in a hug, burying his head in Chris’ chest and pulling him impossibly closer.

For the first time in a while, Darren felt that nothing could bring him down. He felt like…maybe everything was going to be okay.


	22. Chapter 22

Chris glanced around the room, taking in all the space and mentally mapping what item would go where.

Chris had suggested that he and Darren turn the guest bedroom into a music room and office. Darren didn’t want to at first, thinking that it was too much room for his stuff.

“You need the space Dare,”

“It’s too much room for one guitar,”

“And your sheet music, and a laptop station, and a piano,” Chris explained, gesturing to specific parts of the room as he listed each item.

“A piano?”

“Yup, and a bench for two because you’re gonna be teaching me,”

Darren tried to suppress a smile, not giving Chris the satisfaction that he’d convinced him so easily. “And how are we affording all that?”

“Well, sales have been doing pretty okay…”

Darren gave Chris a pointed look and began to protest: “Chris, don’t,”

“And…” Chris interrupted, “If I recall correctly, your promotion at work definitely won’t hurt this venture,”

Darren had been performing at a few local bars and cafés, mostly original songs along with some covers and had been steadily gaining popularity. His free time was otherwise spent on auditions.

“We’ll split the cost?” Darren confirmed.

“Right down the middle,” Chris said.

* * *

Darren wanted to let go of the topic, he really did.

In the last few weeks in New York, he’d been focused on settling in. It wasn’t perfect, nor was it meant to be. He had his worries, his doubts, and his fears. Chris did all he could to make them disappear and all Darren wanted to make sure Chris knew how much he appreciated that.

“You really want a music room?” Darren asked, chopping some onions. “We could fix the fridge’s water dispenser, or get a new mattress?”

“Nope,” Chris said, humming a soft tune as he emptied a packet of dry pasta into a pot of boiling water.

“Why?”

“It’ll make you happy.” Chris replied, and then added, “It’ll make me happy. Music helps me think, and I there’s a few things in this world that make me feel the same as I do when I hear you sing,”

“I’m sorry,” Darren said suddenly, his hand stilled and he put away the knife as he turned around to look at Chris.

“Dare. You don’t have to apologize. Not for this. I…I can’t say that I know exactly what you’re going through, but I have a bit of an idea. I can’t promise it’s gonna be fixed in a day,”

“So what are we going to do?” Darren asked anxiously.

“We’ll take our time. One day after another, okay?”

“You don’t  _have_  to,”

“True. Things we do are split into what we  _have_  to do and what we  _want_  to do,” Chris said calmly, “Guess which one this is?”

When Darren remained silent for a moment, not able to answer him. Chris then asked: “Okay, let me try again. Would you do  _this_  for me? Wait…you already did.”

 _‘And I’d_ want _to do it again. With every fiber of my being.’_ Darren thought, closing his eyes.

When he opened them, Chris stood facing him, eyes full of adoration and sporting a knowing smile.

“I don’t think the words to describe how much I love you have been created yet,” Darren said quietly. “So much doesn’t feel like enough,”

Chris expression changed into one of slight awe as he took in a silent breath. He waited a moment before he said, “Sometimes I don’t know how to tell you…”

“Tell me what?” Darren asked, aware that both of them wanted to be close to the other, but cautiously staying on a side of the kitchen so they could say this.

“How much I want to do everything with you…I just…I want you around  _all_  the time. To make this ahomewith you. To shop for dumb furniture and musical instruments with you. To get into shitty arguments over laundry detergents and making up those fights with really good sex,”

Darren smiled at that, but let Chris continue.

“I don’t believe sometimes that I get to have this, but I don’t ever want you to forget how lucky you make me feel,”

Darren couldn’t stand it anymore and strode over the small length of the kitchen to pull Chris by his forearm into a kiss while placing his other hand on the back of Chris’ neck. Chris quickly kissed back, wrapping his arms around Darren’s small waist and holding him close.

“You know, the first time I met you, I never thought you’d be  _such_  a big cornball,” Darren joked.

“ _Asshole_ ,” Chris retorted, sticking his tongue out at his boyfriend, which just caused Darren to kiss him all over again.

“You’re kind of obsessed with that,” Chris murmured.

“Hmm? With what?”

“Kissing me,” Chris smirked. The hiss of the water boiling over and out of the pot and into the stove reminded Chris to turn off the flame.

“That? Oh yeah, I’ve been a fan of it for a while,” Darren said, running his hand through his curls.

“A  _while_?”

“Yup, ever since I actually got the courage to do it. Before that, it was all just dependent on fantasies,” Darren said with a timid smile.

“Fantasies? Now  _this_ I’ve got to hear more of,”

“You know what, forget I ever said anything,” Darren said, turning around and walking towards the living room.

Chris trailed after him, and carefully waited until Darren was on the couch before he maneuvered Darren to lay out flat on his back and climbed on top of him. Settling onto Darren’s thighs and clasping their hands together on either side of Darren he said, “Nuh-uh, you’re not getting out of this one that easily,”

“And how do you plan to get me to reveal my secrets,” Darren said with a glint in his eye.

“Well, I’m sure I had a bottle of  _Veritaserum_  lying around here somewhere,” Chris said seriously.

“Harry Potter references are a smart move, babe, but not enough,”

“I suppose a make-out session will have to do,”

Chris gave him a long kiss, stretching out both their arms above Darren’s head while it lasted.

“Using the technique itself to find out about my original obsession with it. Very smart,” Darren said, breathily. He strained his neck to reach up and give Chris another kiss, after which he mumbled, “Did I ever tell you I have a thing for brains,”

“Is this where you tell me you’re actually a zombie, and I promise to love you anyway,”

“Oh ha, ha, ha…” Darren said sardonically. “I meant intelligence, it’s like a thing for me,”

“You’re telling me if I list out random statistics about the First World War it’ll turn you on?” Chris said, raising his eyebrows.

“I’m not gonna deny it won’t do anything,”

“Has anyone ever told you you’re really weird?” Chris said, letting go of Darren’s hands and lowering himself so that he was laying on top of Darren, resting his head on Darren’s chest and staring up at him.

“You know what,” Darren replied, “If I recall correctly, I once met this guy who told me that every time I talked to him. Yeah, he was really cute too, so I let him get away with it. Met him on a trip to Italy. And every time I said something to him, I was afraid that would be the thing that would make him want to run far away from me. But he didn’t,”

“I don’t think he ever could,” Chris said, with a smile. “And he’s glad you’re a weirdo. You’re  _his_ weirdo,”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The final part of this fic. I struggled with nerves publishing this series as it was written during a particularly tough time for me. It was a time of doubt and sadness (as evidenced by some themes in this story). I realize that I am nowhere close to the talent that this fandom has, but I want to thank every single person who took the time to read, like, reblog and comment on this fic. I don’t believe words would be able to express just how much that meant to me. Thank you again, and happy reading everyone :)

The past 2 years in New York had been  _different_. But the time had flown by.

In the beginning, Chris had delved back into his world of writing and publishers and meetings and Darren felt lost. He faced a few bumps in the road with rejected offers from auditions and venues and Chris would be there to comfort him throughout it all.

Darren had met a lot of people who’d believed that just because he showed a little bit of confidence while performing meant that he was incapable of fear. That he could never have insecurities because that didn’t seem like  _him._ But Chris knew what he needed to hear at his worst.

 _‘Worst case scenario, you end up doing porn’_ Chris often told him jokingly, but then would always retract the statement and say  _‘Hmm. Actually, I would_ not  _be opposed’._

Darren laughed every time.

* * *

After some time performing in bars and small roles on various off-Broadway Darren had gotten a gig as an understudy. Darren believed getting the job was sheer luck. Chris disagreed, knowing that nothing could be achieved without hard work ethic and talent, which Darren had multitudes of.

It wasn’t a huge role but Darren gave it his fullest, and it paid off. He’d impressed the right people and in almost no time at all, he found himself wearing the costume for one of the biggest roles on Broadway every weekday.

His family flew in from San Francisco on his opening nights for every one of his roles, no matter how minor.

Chris was the loudest audience member in the standing ovation Darren received on his first opening night in a lead role. Chris could not have been prouder. Of course, they had their own way of  _celebrating_ each opening night, and it was a tradition they were quite fond of. But it usually required a locked dressing room.

* * *

Chris was having the most wonderful dream when he was startled awake at the feeling of something against his calf. He opened his eyes and noticed a rather large lump huddled beneath the covers and beneath his legs.

He took a deep breath to calm himself and then said, “Dare? You do know my underwear needs to be off for this part…”

Darren lifted the blanket over his head and threw it behind him. “Very funny…I’m getting there. I just…” he broke his sentence off, his eyes darting across the bed, patting the sheets around him.

“Looking for something?” Chris asked.

“A ring, actually…” Darren smiled, looking right at Chris.

Chris was certain he stopped breathing for a minute. Darren continued his search, muttering obscenities in hopes that those words would have a magnetic effect on the lost item.

“Dare?”

“Hmmm?”

“Dare,” Chris mumbled, shuffling closer to his boyfriend, clasping his face between his hands and encouraging Darren to look at him.

“Yeah?” Darren said, finally paying attention.

“We can find the ring later,”

“Oh fuck…Right. Um?” Darren began to smooth his hair down in a dramatic manner and took a deep breath, “Christopher Paul Colfer, would you do me the honor of marr-  _Ooof-_ ”

Chris pulled him into a kiss before Darren could finish asking him. Darren grasped Chris’ shoulders to steady himself and gave himself into the kiss, humming happily. He could do this forever, and frankly, that was one of the reasons he was proposing.

“I’m gonna go ahead and assume that’s a  _yes_ ,” Darren said pushing Chris back into the mattress and giving him another long kiss.

“Of course it’s a  _yes._  My only complaint is, what took you so long?” Chris smiled.

“Kept losing the ring in the sheets,” Darren smirked back, resting his entire weight on Chris’ body, relishing the way Chris wrapped his arms around his waist and held him close. Chris shifted his body beneath him just a bit, and let out a small squeak.

“I think I found it!”

Chris carefully got up and allowed Darren to inspect the area. He was right, because Darren cautiously held up a gorgeous silver band, and swiftly slipped it onto Chris’ finger.

“Like it?”

“I love it….” Chris said, staring at it with reverence. “I love  _you_ ,”

“I’m glad you do, since  _that…”_  he gestured towards the ring, “means that I plan to stick around for a while,”

“I’ll make sure of it,” Chris said, intertwining his hands with Darren’s and using that leverage to pull him into another kiss.

Needless to say, they did not get out of bed that entire morning.

* * *

They went to personally deliver the wedding invitations to Chris’ family. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, but they found themselves agreeing that it was the right thing to do.

Parked outside Chris’ childhood home, Darren offered to wait in the car.

“It feels like this is a  _family_ thing,” Darren insisted.

“And that’s why you’re coming with me.  _You_  are my family.”

Darren forced himself not to tear up and walked by Chris’ side as Chris’ hand almost crushed his own while waiting for the front door of his house to open.

It wasn’t as bad as either of them expected. There was some initial confusion at their sudden arrival, but they were welcomed with open arms and promises of meeting  _soon._ Chris and Darren were offered to stay the night, but Chris told them they already had a hotel room booked. Before they left, Chris asked if he could collect a few things. After finding out his old bedroom had been made into a guest room, he and Darren made their way to the basement to find a box simply labeled  **‘ _Chris’_** _._

“Oh my god! You were so fucking cute.” Darren exclaimed scrummaging through the box and finding a framed picture of Chris.

“Graduated kindergarten. A proud day for everyone.”

But Darren wasn’t paying attention, instead, he was cooing over a bunch of other pictures he seemed to have found within the box. “Look at your freckles. And your hair. Chris, you were the cutest fucking kid ever.”

Chris scoffed, taking the pictures from Darren’s hands and shoved them back into the box and capped it with the lid. “Come on, we’re gonna have to sort out which of this stuff is going up on the walls.”

What Chris meant by that was the walls of their new home.

They decided they’d be moving into a larger home within the suburbs of New York. Sure their apartment was spacious enough for the two of them, but a new home was a new step. Another first step in their life together.

And although neither of them had openly mentioned it yet, both Chris and Darren knew what the other wanted.

Eventually.

One day.

* * *

_~Almost a year later~_

“So…This will be the nursery?” Evelyn asked, glancing around and taking in every bit of the area around her.

“Yes,” Chris answered, nervously biting his lip as he waited for her approval. Evelyn was planning to give her unborn child up for adoption and had been matched with them through their agency. They’d only met her an hour ago but Chris could tell that she was an incredibly sweet girl, but Chris couldn’t help his anxiety.

It seemed every time she asked them a simple question he was being tested. But every single time he felt like he was just about to reach a breaking point, Darren would rest his hand on the small of Chris’ back and pull him just a little bit closer. Enough that Chris’ worries would melt instantaneously.

“We’re planning to paint it a soft yellow color. Or maybe orange. What do you think?” Darren replied, keeping the conversation flowing.

“Definitely not yellow.” Evelyn joked.

They made their way around the house which ended with them all in the living room; Evelyn on an armchair while Chris and Darren sat close together on a couch opposite her.

“What’d you think?” Darren asked, putting on a rather charming smile, Chris proudly noted.

“Oh, the house is gorgeous. Just so beautiful. He’s going to be one lucky kid.”

“He?” Chris breathed out shakily.

“Yes. I found out yesterday. I’m so sorry, should I have not said…”

“No. No,” Chris said, his heart swelling at the thought of having a son. Of being a parent alongside Darren to a little boy. He felt his nerves endings were on fire, and could feel himself shaking all over, “That’s just…Wow.”

“He’s usually more articulate than this,” Darren joked, but his voice betrayed his own emotion, and Chris was grateful that he had Darren to share this moment with. He grasped Darren’s hand and intertwined their fingers to try and steady himself.  

Evelyn laughed and clasped her hands together. “Well, I’m going to come off as a total weirdo, but I have to confess: I did some research before meeting you guys, and you both are incredible.”

“Oh wow,” Chris said. “Thank you so much,”

“I have to ask one question, and this is because I’m such a sucker for these kinds of things; how did you guys meet?”


End file.
